Dr. Neill Neill
Part Two of The Functioning Alcoholic
In The Functioning Alcoholic: Part One I argued that doing one’s job is not one’s only function in life. For the alcoholic to consider himself to be "functioning" he has to function in various areas of life, not just on the job.
Abandoned Dreams and Underachievement
Consider the young woman with brains and ambition who wanted to become a doctor. Like many students, she had to take a work break from her studies to earn the money to continue. She worked in a bar, but drinking gradually crept into her daily routine. Now at 50 and four marriages later she’s still working in a bar, her dream of being a doctor a distant memory. She considers herself to be a functioning alcoholic, but is she really functioning, when she has abandoned her dream and falls so far short of her potential?
During my alcoholic period, I did my job and I was a kind loving father. But I never got around to writing. I will never know whether I might have started my writing career much earlier, were it not for the drink. I do know that I never went to any of my kids’ games during my alcoholic period, and I wasn’t even aware of the neglect until it was too late. I thought I was functioning well, but only after I had switched my lifestyle to a much healthier one did I realize how far I fell short.
The point is that addictive drinking leads to underfunctioning, and underfunctioning people do not live up to their potential and in the end usually quell their dreams.
In my mind, the abandoned dreams and the general underachievement of alcoholics do not spell "functioning." They spell serious "underfunctioning."
Whenever I meet a person who considers himself to be a functioning alcoholic, I can’t help but wonder what that person might have been or created or given, if they hadn’t fallen under the spell of alcohol and sunk into alcoholism.
What do you think? Leave your comments below.
Psychologist Dr. Neill Neill maintains an active psychology and life-coaching practice on Vancouver Island, BC, Canada. He focuses on self growth, healthy relationships and life enhancement after addictions. He is the author of Living with a Functioning Alcoholic – A Woman’s Survival Guide. Get on his list for notification that he has posted a new article and receive his free report, "Addiction and Codependency Simplified."
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Article by
maintains an active practice on
Vancouver Island, BC, Canada. He focuses on healthy relationships and life after addictions. He is the author of Living with a Functioning Alcoholic — A Woman's Survival Guide.
www.NeillNeill.com
{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }
I guess it depends on your definition of functioning. I consider an alcoholic to be functioning when he is able to drink excessively without apearing drunk, when his intake has increased and when he is able to do his job successfully (although the choices he makes when drinking may eventually come to effect him at work). Not all areas of his life need to be in order or “functioning”, but to others, the functioning alcoholic seem just fine, as they are not able to see the whole picture.
This is such an interesting topic and the crux of the problem is that high-functioning alcoholics and their loved ones tend to use their achievements to feed their denial. The stereotype of an alcoholic being homeless on the street enables those who are able to hold a job, be in school and/or have family/friend to slip through the cracks and avoid getting help.
Your seems to be a compliment to the book that I wrote called “Understanding the High-Functioning Alcoholic: Professional Views and Personal Insights.” http://www.highfunctioningalcoholic.com
May we continue to increase awareness of about high-functioning alcoholics, break their denial and lead them to get help.
Hi Sarah,
Thank you for your comments, and best wishes on your much-needed book.
I work one day a week at a rehab center for high functioning alcoholics and drug addicts. Many of them got there only when they finally realized they were losing their families or their health.
I also work with couples, where the man repeatedly defends his drinking with, "But I’m a functioning alcoholic, so there’s nothing wrong. What’s your problem?" Women in such relationships are discovering from my book, Living with a Functioning alcoholic, A Woman’s Survival Guide, how to reground themselves and to retake control of their lives. Good things are happening for them.
Keep up the good work
Neill
I sat last night for five hours on this web site until midnight which was valentines day, actually black friday night till saturday morning, and I am a new woman. I have tried to enable my cookies to download book, but having trouble but will fix the problem. What I have achieved in the last 24 hours is just remarkable, I have been going to a counsellor and she has been beating her head against the wall telling me my husband has terminal woodworm like an old house that cannot be fixed. It has sunk in, I am throwing out all my gear ready to move with my kids, I will not try and be his saviour as I have done in the past. He lives in the bottom room of our house and I moved upstairs and told him thursday that I was not his too bully anymore. What a terrible disease I did not realise how many others are dealing with the same thing as me. This web site is the best thing since sliced bread and I believe it has saved my life.
Thankyou and best wishes to everyone,I know the despair, heartache, embarrassment, guilt, confusion and anger we all feel when we try to rationalise the problem of alcohol, and until we step off the roll coaster we do nothing to help them or ourselves no matter how sad it is to leave.
Shaz