Is the “functioning alcoholic” some sort of mythical figure, or does he actually exist and move among us?
Mark comments in his short article entitled “A Functional Alcoholic?” on the fact people often say at Alcoholics Anonymous meetings, “I was a functioning alcoholic.” http://www.adozensteps.com/a-functional-alcoholic/
He argues from the perspective of a twelve-step program that there is no such thing as a functioning alcoholic.
I’ve maintained in other writings on alcoholism that “functioning” means three things:
- You are functioning well in all areas of your life, not just on your job.
- You are living up to your potential, not just drifting along at a level that barely keeps you employed.
- You have staying power; if you die prematurely from alcohol-related causes, whether disease, accident, suicide or homicide, you are not functioning. http://www.neillneill.com/category/alcoholism/
I don’t think I’ve ever met such a person; have you? He must be the subject of myth!
Thanks, Mark.
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Vancouver Island, BC, Canada. He focuses on healthy relationships and life after addictions. He is the author of Living with a Functioning Alcoholic — A Woman's Survival Guide.
www.NeillNeill.com
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More than happy to be of service Neill
Thanks for the shout out… Mark
Hello Dr. Neill,
First, I responded to “Mark” at his blog regarding the “Myth of the Functional Alcoholic”. I’d be interested in knowing what you think about what I said. I’m sure you’ll disagree to one extent or another, but I value you opinion regardless. It may take a day or two to show up, as his comments are moderated.
Anyhow, the real reason I’m writing is: I read you article entitled “Seven Characteristics of Functioning Alcoholics…” and don’t recognize any of those characteristics in myself. I think I’m just physically hooked on booze the same way I’m hooked on nicotine (currently provided by Nicorette). Have you ever seen what you would consider purely physical addiction with no underlying psychological issues?
Best,
Matt
Hi Matt, Thank you for your question. I went to Mark’s site and I read over the various posts back and forth between you an Mark. The proper term for alcoholism is "alcohol dependence" and that includes either physical or psychological dependence.
I’m with you on not becoming a long-term victim of anything. If you don’t want to be in recover for the rest of your life, don’t be.
I am a former alcoholic, not a recovering alcoholic. Perhaps I was recovering for the first 3 or 4 years, because I had to go through a lot of life changes before life stabilized. (Kids grew up and left home, wife left, surgery, counseling, left job, divorce, remarriage, new stepchildren, returned to school, self employment, all in four years from the day I quit drinking.)
I said in one of my articles that i didn’t think I’d ever met an alcoholic who had no underlying psychological problems. Of course, the alcohol-dependent people I see in my work do have underlying problem. But then, doesn’t everyone have problems? Surely that comes with life. Alcoholism may be supported by those problem, but might not be caused by them.
What constitutes a psychological issue? Obviously, unresolved trauma, depression and anxiety disorders would qualify. But what about bereavement? Many have become addicted after a major loss, recover from the loss, but remain addicted.
As I have pondered the question further, I think there is another category of underlying "issue" that doesn’t get much press, and that is, our built-in searching for meaning, happiness and fulfillment. Could using alcohol or other drugs be a part of one’s personal growth? Could it be part of a man or woman’s struggle with facing who they really are on and existential level. It’s possible. Is personal growth an issue? Of course it is.
However, as soon as something explains everything, it explains nothing.
Therefore, I concede that the answer to your question has to be "yes, it’s possible."
May much good come from your beating your addiction and moving on!
Neill
Dr. Neill,
My mother and stepfather were both alcoholics. My mother died of cancer when I was 24 my stepfather 5 years after that. I hated my stepfather. I could go into great detail on how rough my childhood was. About 7 years ago my real father developed Alzheimer’s and I was his primary caregiver. He died almost three years ago. It was very difficult and draining on me. My current issues are my son and my husband. My son is 22 years old. I was not aware he had a drinking problem; if I did I ignored it. Thinking he would grow out of it. He has never been a responsible adult. He does not have a driver’s license. He does not pay any bills, works very part time as a bartender. I have just recently learned the term codependent. I love him very much. I have tried to overcompensate for his stepfather who has been his life since he was 3 years old, checked out of his life 7 years ago. My son went to the hospital 9 months ago. He had pancreatitis. He was told he cannot drink any longer, if he does is will kill him. He has been back in the hospital 3 more times. Once he was in ICU for a week. He will die if he doesn’t stop drinking. I put him in a residential recovery center 3 weeks ago.
My husband is probably a “functioning” alcoholic. I’m not sure. He drinks 6-12 beers a night. He was laid off his job this summer due to the economy. He does not like not to work. We have a very comfortable life financially. I don’t think he has been the greatest Dad in the world to the other 3 children since they have become adults. Everybody likes him, he’s a great guy. He plays golf; he is not abusive to me in anyway.
He would do anything for me except be a father to my son and quit drinking. We have grown very far apart, this started when my father got sick and it has gotten worse since Ryan has been sick. I am at the point where I don’t care about myself, or anything else. I am not sure if I love my husband. We use to have fun; I am the one that doesn’t care anymore. His drinking is wearing on me. I hate it, but I can’t see what harm it is doing me. He does not get drunk he just drinks. He is not abusive; he is responsible, except maybe to the children. He had a very difficult childhood, he was raised by 4 alcoholic stepfathers and his father was an alcoholic.
I have become addicted to a video game; I don’t have to think while I am playing. I have 3 grandchildren that I hardly ever see because I don’t want to leave the house. I think I can stop playing the video game, I haven’t played all week and it’s not really bothering me. I am trying to find other things to keep me busy. I am thinking about leaving my husband but I don’t know why. I use to be happy and he has not changed at all. I don’t want my son to die, I would like him to become a responsible adult. My husband does not care about my son or want to help him. I am very codependent.
There is alcohol in every family function we have. I just hate being around it. Most of the other family members are “social” drinkers, I think.
I started attending Al-anon meetings this week, hoping it will help.
Do you have any other advice you can give me.
Brenda,
You come across as one notch below grief, in apathy (not caring, numb, not feeling.) it is not a life-giving place.
You haven’t lost your son yet, but you grieve. This is normal. He gives your life meaning.
Please get some professional help ASAP. Call me if you want to talk about it.
I have lost two sons and a daughter over the past three years, all from complications related to their addictions. Two were slow deaths. I know the anguish.