Dr. Neill Neill
The subject of alcoholic blackouts is a controversial one. The argument that a person was in an alcoholic blackout and didn’t know what he was doing at the time has been used in court successfully to help people avoid the legal consequence of their actions. Lawyers have used the argument of the alcoholic blackout to help a man avoid the legal consequences of beating his wife to death or of killing someone while driving drunk.
For someone to be convicted of a crime he has to know the difference between right and wrong at the time of the crime. When he goes to court and has no recollection of the incident, his lawyer argues that he was not conscious of what he was doing when he committed the crime.
A convenient lie!
There is no doubt that alcohol affects memory. When alcohol abuse continues for a few years and/or regularly leads to severe intoxication, the alcoholic gets to the point where he cannot recall some or all of the events of the previous evening of drinking. Blackouts are one of the symptoms of alcoholism.
The time about which he cannot remember anything — the memory blackout — is called "the alcoholic blackout." It is a gap in memory, and the more chronic the alcoholism the larger and more complete are these gaps in memory.
I have been close to men who suffer alcoholic blackouts because of their alcoholism. Most of the blackouts are benign, that is, nothing unusual happens while they are drinking. But they just don’t remember anything from the time they started drinking until they wake up at home in the morning.
They don’t remember their very rational decision to go to another bar when it looked like there was going to be a fight in the bar they were in. They don’t remember getting far too drunk to drive home and calling a taxi. But they were quite conscious of what they were doing at the time.
Less benign was a friend (now deceased) who was very strong and generally dangerous, having spent more of his life in jail than not. He would get into a fight while intoxicated and attempt to beat his adversary to death. At the time, he said he knew what he was doing and he wanted to kill his victim. He knew it was wrong, but he just didn’t care. The only thing stopping him was his buddies physically pulling him away and restraining him. The next morning he would remember nothing of what happened.
I knew another violent alcoholic who made arrangements with the local police to let him come to the jail and sleep it off if he was becoming too murderous. Even when extremely intoxicated, he would make a conscious decision not to kill, but to go to the jail instead. When he would wake up in the jail, he would have no idea of whether he had been arrested for a crime or had gone to the jail voluntarily.
In my experience the alcoholic blackout is about blocked memory alone, not about whether people know the difference between right and wrong when intoxicated. They do know the difference, but don’t care.
Is the alcoholic blackout just a convenient excuse for bad behaviour? You be the judge.
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Vancouver Island, BC, Canada. He focuses on healthy relationships and life after addictions. He is the author of Living with a Functioning Alcoholic — A Woman's Survival Guide.
www.NeillNeill.com
{ 33 comments… read them below or add one }
I have too suffered from blackouts during heavy drinking. I do things that I don’t remember. These things I do is against my better judgment. I would never even think of doing these things when sober. It’s like a dr.jeckle/hyde moment. I don’t recalll any of it, sometimes only blurred fragments, but it is not like me at all. I was physically abused from violence as a kid, and I think it may be a subconcience reaction. I love my family and friends.
I think sometimes the drinker overdrinks on purpose (necessarily, you might say) to reach the point where he can exert extreme responses that he does not allow himself to exert while sober. I know “blackouters” who have committed violent acts and felony crimes then sober up to be very nice polite normal people. In my opinion, they need to learn to express and assert while sober, then will be able to get by in life without having to become drunk enough to let their angry side come out.
Hi, I was searching for information on alcoholic blackouts. I’m 34 yrs old married , mother of 2. I will typically get a blackout between 1 or every other month. It is usually at a social event with friends or family. Those who have experienced this with me are shocked when it happens because they say I am functioning fine then all of a sudden, I start to pass out and throw up everywhere and scream at anyone who tries to help me cause I don’t want to be moved. I have no recollection of that or up to hours before I throw up and after. It shocking to hear the things I have said or done while in a blackout. People can’t believe it cause I am functioning to them. No one can seem to figure out my limit because sometimes it happens and sometimes it doesn’t. I do know that I drink pretty fast, I don’t sip. I try to think if I didn’t eat that day or what might have contributed to the blackout. I first had blackouts in high school, but not too frequent. Just in the past 2 1/2 years it seems to happen a lot…too much. I constantly call the next day to say I’m sorry for things I don’t remember. I know I should just quit drinking, but everyone I know does and they can have a few and be fine. I just keep going. Sometimes I can just have a few, I don’t know why every other or every other few times I go into a binge. I wouldn’t consider myself an alcoholic, I don’t drink everyday but out of all my friends and family..I am the only one who gets to the blackout stage. How can I control this? Any suggestions? Thank you.
If you black out, that means you have a drinking problem or potential drinking problem. You dont know when to say when. Its not uncommon, in fact it is so common most people will not think that it is in fact a problem. When you drink in large amounts you impair your brain so much that you are erasing its ability to store memories of your owne actions. The only other thing that can do this is a serious blow to the head. So that gives you some clue as to the damage you are doing. Also, your brain probably hides some of the memories as you dont really want to know what you did. Then your friends call and tell you and you feel awful. If this keeps happening, you need to quit drinking or you will end up in jail or the hospital or maybe even the morgue. Sorry but the truth hurts.
if you want to control blackouts, you have to quit drinking, you cant ‘control’ drinking this way, i stopped because i was sick of not remembering and waking up in a panic, go to AA.
I had a friend who was a blackout drinker. He would turn into a raging bully and try his hardest not to let anyone leave the room he was drinking in while ruining their good time. Nicest guy in the world but when he drank he turned into a complete nutjob making everyone else miserable and ruining the party. What made him turn around was blacking out at a bar one night and waking up three cities away in an alley with a smashed up car and blood on him that wasn’t his. He had no recollection what happened. This was over two decades ago and he is sober and straight today and has been for a long time. A.A. changed him a long time ago.
There is no denying that AA, with all its problems, has helped millions of people.
Dr Neill
you are not an alcoholic,and you have not a clue what you are talking about.
would you care to substantiate your findings further
I get this attack, “You are not an alcoholic” a lot from AA members. And you are right: I am not an alcoholic. But in my alcoholic days, I could probably drink you and your friends under the table any time. I am not “in recovery;” rather, I am recovered.
The problem is that AA doctrine says that alcoholism is an incurable, progressive disease, so it would be impossible for someone to be an alcoholic and then later not be one. Therefore, if I am not an alcoholic now, I could never have been one.
This AA belief, often held with religious fervor, goes in the face of social, psychological and medical research findings. A couple of US courts have even ruled AA to be a Christian religious cult.
I don’t like saying this, because I know AA helps a lot of people when they are facing their addiction and wanting to change. I don’t want to detract from that.
My son got a lot of help from AA with his severe alcohol addiction. His 12-step based treatment program and his months with AA probably saved his life at the time. He recovered and never returned to drinking. (He died 15 years later of liver disease and cancer.)
You laid out a challenge. This is my answer. I will not enter into a debate because no one will benefit.
As far as alcoholic blackouts go, it is a subject you cannot know about by direct experience, because, by definition, you can’t remember how conscious and deliberate your decisions were when you were drinking.
I have a question…Is it possible to be an alcoholic and actually not remember buying liquor or drinking it? Does this happen like a blackout–a blackout before the alcohol is consumed?
Yes. See my answer to you under Alcoholism Test.”
I drank a lot in college. I blacked out almost every Friday and Saturday night. After college I drank less and less. 10 years later, every time I have a few too many, which is less than once a month, it seems I have some memory loss. Not a total blackout like college, but blank spots here and there.
I now have two children and I think if I had a problem with alcohol, it would have shown up in college. But, there are time when my kids are screaming that a few drinks really take the edge off and I’m a little concerned that a drink here and there is going to lead to constant drinking. There is a history of alcoholism in my family and I would like to believe that I’m comfortable with my drinking but I’m concerned that my family history could lead to uncontrolled drinking. I’ve been able to control my extreme drinking in college.
Are blackouts here and there normal or something to be more and more concerned about?
Hi Mike,
I’m glad you have toned down your drinking since college. Good choice!
Your alcohol problem actually did show up in college: the brain damage you caused by Friday and Saturday night binge drinking was already showing up in the form of blackouts.
Family history won’t cause anything, but it may make your choosing to medicate stress with alcohol feel a little more natural and comfortable. Medicating with alcohol was the route I took and it eventually nearly killed me. So find other ways of reducing stress that are less risky.
The minor blackouts are an indication of the damage done in college days. You should probably choose to limit your drinking at any one time to one or two drinks, always keeping it below the level that leads to memory gaps.
It sounds like for the present at least you are able to drink a bit without becoming dependent. Just keep an eye on it never believe you have no choice.
Best wishes,
Neill
I am a recovering alcoholic, and I went through five years of what I call blackout hell before I got sober. For me it was AA, and the 12 step program that saved me. I say this because I am a blackout drinker of the worse kind. I blacked out from the first time I drank, at 14. And towards the end, I would black out after two drinks, and sometimes they would last a week. They weren’t bits and pieces I lost, they were long segments of time. Like I said, sometimes a week or two.
I was extremely self destructive during my blackouts, and I won’t even begin to tell you how many close calls I had. The ER was my second home. I had two DUI’s (ten years apart), the second one in a total blackout, and thank God, I didn’t hurt or kill someone. The reason I didn’t have more DUI’s is because I took precautions when I knew I was going to drink because of my black out history. I would give someone my keys prior to drinking, or I would tell the bartender to call me a cab and give him my keys if I stopped off somewhere unplanned and decided I wanted a drink.
I was in total fear of myself, because I had no clue of what I would do, but my alcoholism was at the dependency stage and once I started I couldn’t stop without intervention from the ER. Having said all that, my opinion on this subject is that no matter how serious my blackouts are, ONCE I make the decision to pick up a drink and put myself accessible to my car or car keys, there is absolutely no excuse. To me it is no different than someone who has epileptic seizures, on medication and decides not to take the medication and then gets behind the wheel of a car and has a seizure and someone gets hurt or killed. That person knew he had an illness, has to be treated for it, refused to take the treatment, and made himself accessible to a 2 ton weapon putting him at risk of having symptoms of his illness while driving.
If you know you have an alcohol problem, but make the choice to drink when you are prone to blackouts, and then put yourself in a situation where you have access to a vehicle, then you are responsible and should be held accountable for whatever happens when you are having symptoms of your illness. Before you started drinking you had to be sober at one point when you chose to take that first drink. Obviously I understand the struggles of an alcoholic, but it doesn’t give me the right to go out and put your children and my children in danger, just because I have a "disease". It may not be curable, but it is treatable, and treatment for me, is abstinence. When I received my second DUI, I was so grateful I didn’t harm or kill anyone, but I was nevertheless, extremely careless and irresponsible that I allowed myself (blackout included) to be put in a situation where I was accessible to a vehicle when I KNEW beforehand the effects that alcohol would have on me once I took that first drink.
In my opinion, I cannot, with a clear conscience use the "oops, I had a black out, sorry, I killed your son – I just didn’t know what I was doing" excuse. I knew exactly what I was doing the minute that drink went to my mouth. If that drink meant so much and yet I still failed to take precautions, then hell yes, I am totally responsible, in my opinion.
Hi Symarie,
Thank you for making it so clear that each of us is responsible for for our actions, including whether or not we take the first drink.
My mother died in a car crash many years ago, because someone did not take responsibility for their decision to drive.
I am prone to blackouts with at least one a year now if not two or three. I would black out each night since I was 19 and that lasted a couple years. Pills and Alchohol and Herb has been a combo I have used for ten years. I am responsible with great job, but every so often when I have unlimited access to alchohol, well intentioned or not, I completely blackout hours of the night, meaning I was a raging beast of negativity. I realize that stopping completely may be the only proven avenue of sobrity, especially for someone looking in, when someone blacks out and terrorizes his family and puts himself at risk of death each and everytime. Is it risky or stupid or lazy to keep drinking, is it a care, is it deep rooted. I have no idea. All I know is I haven’t “wanted” to black out EVER!!!! But have since shortly after starting to drink and abuse everything else under the sun. A daughter a Son, everything that I have asked for, a beautiful wife who is loving and kind, but still I choose to keep on drinking just one. No matter the promise, no matter the prior damage, just keep on trying to drink “one or two”. Lost. Isn’t it normal to drink, and isn’t it lame to not drink, honestly. Am I just no getting the picture?
I do understand taking responsibility for one’s self and actions. However,I also believe that many people do commit terrible crimes and social injustices without having come to the realization that they have a problem. It was easy for me to convince myself and my friends would concur because they too had the experience of "blackouts", that it doesn’t necessarily mean that you are an alcoholic. My actions had only embarassed myself, never hurt anyone else. However, my normal personality was not in charge.
Then one evening after excessive binge drinking and during several blackouts, I did something horrible; something that I would never have morally been able to do in a sober state or even a very drunken state. But, during a blackout, you don’t own your actions or statements. When I was told of my actions, I fell into a horrible depression because I could not change what I had done; everything that happened was so out-of-sync with my deepest values. I had lost a friend forever because of my actions. At that moment, I realized that if I could say and do what I had done during that blackout, anything else was possible. Maybe I could have lost my temper and hurt someone fatally. I could have killed someone with my car.
The fact that I had compromised my personal integrity and acted against everything I valued in life made me realize that I could never allow alcohol to take over again. I know that there was no decision making on my part involved in what I did that night. I could barely live with the realization of what had happened the next day. It really is like you in your body walking around conscious but not under any control of your conscious mind. Some of us are fortunate enough to have a wake-up call that makes you want to ensure you are never under the control of alcohol again; that only you are in control of your actions. Others find that they have killed someone.
I know it is difficult to have empathy for the person who commits the crime but I do think that alcoholism is a disease that, like many others, by the time it is diagnosed, some terrible damage may have already occurred.
Dear Nameless,
It must be pretty obvious to you that alcohol has profound negative effects on your brain and perhaps other parts of your body. Although my symptoms were very different from yours, the bad effects were there.
Conclusion: It would be really lame for either of us to drink. So to save my life I stopped drinking completely and made all the life adjustments that followed. Will you?
My experience is that there is not only life after alcohol, but a much bigger life.
Leslie,
Thank you for sharing your story. Most of us former alcoholics could tell stories parallel to yours. I could have killed someone with my car…I could have…
The fact is, when I was 16, my mother was killed by a driver I was told had been drinking, so I should have know better.
Although alcohol does indeed cause disease, alcoholism itself is not a disease, but a choice. I know well it causes disease: in the past three years I have lost two sons and a daughter to complications caused by their addiction.
If you remember that alcoholism is a choice, you will be less likely to use the disease excuse for continuing to use or for any lapses.
I think referring to alcoholic blackouts as a Big Lie is rather inaccurate. As you said yourself no-one knows what you are feeling during a blackout or whether it is actually you. I know I’m no expert i have only gotten drunk a few times sometimes drinking a whole bottle of vodka and a bit of arak i cud remember being so totally drunk to the point of vomiting everywhere and motor skills at an all time low not even being able to stand up and passing out though i always had some control over myself and was self aware i might do some stupid stuff but never anything criminal even in the drunkest stupour i would be able to tell the difference between something cheeky and something plain outright wrong.
Then I had my first blackout which is possibly the worst thing that ever happened to me. i did things i would never even conceive of sober or incredibly drunk. I am absolutely convinced that what takes over isnt simply your drunk self without short term memory but a kind of unconscious self, a loss of higher order consciousness leaving only the bare instincts and impulses in control of you. I think should you commit a crime you should be held accountable but only if you drink to get to the blackout state or are aware that you are prone to blackouts or have blacked out before. I had previously never heard of blackouts and never experienced them before and i felt as innocent of what i had done as if someone else had done them, from then on i have not touched a single drop of alcohol and encourage others to do the same who knows what you could do during a blackout, because it is definitely not you.
I am not an alcoholic but don’t know where else to go. I recently was drinking with family and friends. I was getting a light buzz around 11pm and decided to switch to cranberry water and go to bed early. I asked someone to make me another cran/water. The next thing I remember was waking up the next morning still drunk. A friend told me I was up until 5am drinking and doing shots. I don’t remember any of those 6 hours. I don’t know how I got from a light buzz to waking up drunk. I drink casually. Usually only one or two at a time. I have been drunk before and have never experienced anything like that. Is it possible that someone put something in my drink or is this normal?
Renae,
As I was reading your piece, it was occurring to me that someone might have spiked your cranberry water. Then you raised the question yourself. It may well have happened.
In the future, serve your own drinks at a party. Alcohol can lead to some very stupid decisions, like adding a pill to someone else’s drink. People have been killed that way.
I am a recovering alcoholic, and have been sober for over 6 years now. In response to your thoughts on “alcoholic blackouts”, I can promise you that I honestly know what it is like to have genuine blackouts. A drinking alcoholic who has a blackout can not remember some or many things that happened or that he or she has done or said during the alcohol induced blackout, & the alcoholic only becomes aware of what has happened if told by another person. To give you an example, about ten years ago, I remember walking along a street in Dublin with another chap. We had been drinking all day, and we were on our way to an off-license to buy cheap, strong booze, and then the next thing I remember is waking up in a cell in a police station. When I was let go from the station, I was told that I was arrested for my own safety and to this day I do not remember what actually happened during my blackout!
Pray to St Jude and ask God for help. I did and now I am sober.
Alcoholic Blackouts are very real, but shouldn’t be used as an excuse as it is the person’ choice to drink and/or get drunk. Alcoholic Blackouts are also very disconcerting as how can one defend oneself against something about which they have no memory.
Alcoholic Blackouts, it can be argued, are a function of alcoholicism as a disease. If one subscribes to the disease model, it can be used, in some cases, as an excuse to explain away behavior. However, alcoholism as choice vs disease is an argument whose outcome is far from decided
Clint, Actually, the evidence is very heavily weighted against alcoholism being a disease. However, I agree "disease" is a very convenient excuse for bad behavior when drinking.
DO NOT DRINK AT ALL! That would solve your problem!
Dr.,
My wife has blackouts. She will also do things she won’t when sober. It’s an alternate personality or assimilation. I’m very interested in this effect. It’s definately not the same mind set as when sober. I’d have to agree these are not the same people as when they are sober. Her sister answers to a diffrent name when intoxicated. Alcoholism is prevelant in the family. My wife consumes less then 5 beverages per month on average. Has had a period of beng drinking; however, I see no corrilation to that and blackouts.
I have a drinking problem. I dont drink all the time but when i do i dont know when to quit. I have blacked out and been abusive to my wife and woke up and dont even remember it. Im seeking help through aa and if you have any suggestions ill try that too. I used to have a drug problem and i quit and started drinking. I have had enough of this. I really love my wife and i dont know why i would do anything to hurt her. When im sober i do not behave like that and it puzzles me because other people around me drink and are fine. I have come to the conclusion that i just cannot take another drink. period.
Smart man, Duane! Many guys waste years looking for a work-around.
I black out extremely often I would say 70% of the time when I drink. I this never used to happen to me until about 2 years ago. now it seems like almost every time I drink. I’m gonna try just drinking beer and see if it reduces or stops my blackouts if it doesn’t work I will quit drinkin. I used to use methenphedamine for 2 years I been clean 5 years. Do u think my past drug use may be a factor in why i’m having these blackouts now so bad?
Hi Sonia,
Anything’s possible, but continued alcohol abuse alone could account for the worsening blackouts, without the meth.
Alcohol is alcohol. It doesn’t matter much what form you drink it in.
blackouts are now a regular occurrence , from strip bars to pub brawls to hookers in motels , once a week or once every 10 days. it’s a doozie. kinda sucks. the fun is now gone. guilt, no glory.
It’s your choice, George, although it’s a life choice most wouldn’t take.