Dr. Neill Neill
Anyone who abuses alcohol long enough or heavily enough eventually will have problems with memory. The functioning alcoholic will have memory problems. His memory problems are simply less severe than those of the skid-row alcoholic.
As with other toxins excessive use of alcohol destroys brain cells. If the alcohol abuse goes on long enough, eventually it may show up in deteriorating memory, particularly short-term memory.
The first short-term memory problems usually show up long before the drinker begins to have alcoholic blackouts.
Alcoholic blackouts may be an indication that the brain damage is getting more severe. As his alcoholism progresses, the alcoholic will eventually begin to notice gaps in his memory. He cannot remember how he got home last night. He may not remember even where he was drinking last night, or who he was with. This does not mean that he was not aware of what he was doing; he was perfectly aware at the time, but he just can’t remember.
I have often characterized self-medication with alcohol as voluntary dissociation. The functioning alcoholic drinks to split off from the reality of his life, his pain or his feelings of inadequacy. When he enters that altered state he feels better. The problem is that he has become addicted to alcohol over time. Now he simply needs alcohol to feel at all OK.
When people are in dissociated states, with or without alcohol, they are simply not there. So when you tell them something when they are in their altered state, they may not have any recollection of what you told them when they come back to reality. And because they typically don’t realize they were mentally somewhere else, they get defensive and often angry. They may accuse you of lying or holding things from them.
Whether the deteriorating memory in the functional alcoholic is the result of brain damage or dissociation or, more probably, both, it should be taken as a symptom of advancing alcoholism.
If you are a functioning alcoholic and those around you are complaining about your memory problems, get whatever help you need to break your addiction and stop things from getting worse. Take it from someone who has been there: there is life after booze.
If you are a family member of a functioning alcoholic, do seek help yourself, lest you slip into a debilitating codependency role. Going to an Al-Anon meeting might be a good place to start.
Psychologist Dr. Neill Neill maintains an active psychology and life-coaching practice on Vancouver Island, BC, Canada. He focuses on self growth, healthy relationships and life enhancement after addictions. He is the author of Living with a Functioning Alcoholic – A Woman’s Survival Guide. Get on his list for notification that he has posted a new article and receive his free report, "Addiction and Codependency Simplified."
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maintains an active practice on
Vancouver Island, BC, Canada. He focuses on healthy relationships and life after addictions. He is the author of Living with a Functioning Alcoholic — A Woman's Survival Guide.
www.NeillNeill.com
{ 12 comments… read them below or add one }
Dr. Neill,
I have been reading some of the information regarding alcoholism as I have been living with one in the past. It has been extremely helpful. Thank you very much.
Gina Strong
this site is very useful for who taking alcohol
Dr. Neill: I stumbled across your site and was wondering if you could help me. I am a mess. Lived with my boyfriend for 7 years, and he was an alcoholic. When he did not work, he started drinking at 10:00 a.m. everyday, 7 days a week. He worked everyday ex. the winter truck driver.
He was never violent towards me, but if I would ask of more from him, ie, lets go for a walk, could you hold me hand, he would get very angry. It got so bad at the end, when the family ganged up on me and he in his drunken state told me to get out. (It was his condo,)He conned me into selling everything, as he had all the furniture, condo, already. He then boat a 80,000. fishing boat, 50,000 GT convertible ford mustang.
After I left, he was in bed with a girl 3 weeks later, (I drove by and saw them at 11:30p.m. and she starting spending every weekend with him. He married her 6 months later. She has a beautiful home (like I did)gone. he moved in with her and has his condo up for sale and now her house is up for sale.
Anyways, he told me he will never stop drinking. He loves it. He only drinks beer on weekends, beer all day then rum or vodka at night. I am a social drinker with him, but stopped the last year with him. I have never smoked. He smokes like a chimney and now his new wife smokes, and apparently drinks too. (I don’t know if she is a social drinker like I was). I never drank until I hooked up with him by the way and then I did not even touch the stuff the last year with him.
I am devastated, humilated, I thought he loved me. Why did he marry her? I called him a drunk 3 times to his face 1 week before he and his family threw me out. I could go on and on and I don’t know where to turn. I have no benefits and can’t afford a therapist. What did I do wrong and why did he marry her. Will his behaviour with her be the same and did he love her so much to marry her? I wish and pray that she will wake up and kick him out just to make me feel better. I know he is an alcoholic, but he works and is very the biggest con – I didn’t even see it coming. What do you make of this mess. I only gave you a few details. Thank you for listening and God Bless. Patty
Dear patty,
How could either you or his new wife, acting in good faith and love, expect to match wits the “very biggest con?” He married her for the same reason he married you. He needs someone who will support him in his drinking. When you stopped, you were removed.
She may be the one to kick him out, but there could be a few more wives over the years before someone does.
Read the report “Addiction and Codependency Simplified” to get a better grasp of why you are still holing on. Better yet, read my book.
The important thing for you is to choose to do what you need to do to learn from this, heal from this and move on.
You might get some help from joining a free grief support group, because you are grieving.
Neill
This is a wonderful opinion. The things mentioned are unanimous and needs to be appreciated by everyone.
Pharel
Hello, just a quick comment.
Can alcoholism cause, when not under the influence, memory loss, anxiety, inability to concentrate just overall feeling strange and unable to think clearly?
Yes, it can do all those things. But over time, after months or years without alcohol, the brain seems to be able to heal from a lot of the brain damage caused by the alcohol.
This page is pretty good Doc, I like the work you do. Alas, now i have a question. I’m a combat veteran,one who has actaully seen some pretty messed up things due to the fact I do the medical from advanced trauma life support to immunization. I’ve been through quite a few rpgs and IEDs while deployed most likey suffering from a few TBIs.here in lies my problem. That when being evalutated for them ,due to my training, i knew exactly what they wanted to hear to clear me for another patrol, so thats what i told them.I had no issues while deployed other than some pretty bad emotional issues with loss in country and with my now ex wife.Now after i came home from the second deployment i picked up drinking heavily then taper it my self and chose to get help.I was considered a “binge drinker” because id only drink mabe once or twice every two weeks. I had memory problems before i got into the larger consuption amounts, but i was able to manage, though it still was stressful doing all the work I needed to do. Soon after all this my memory had gotten worse and i had fallen an hit my head a few times while intoxicated. I still to this day don’t really have “hang overs” but i have managed a BAC of .12 six hours after i had passed a sobriety and compentecy test.During some of these black outs some of my Marines had stated how i was perfectly calm laughing and joking with everyone to behaving erract and violently towards them with no obvious threat werbal or physical torwards me. I have seen this before in some people, but not completely similar to my case.There were never any hard feelings in the morning from them an i tend to not have a recollection of the incidents.I was looking for more insight by the effects of alcohol,and the causes it may bring. I’m just hoping its the alcohol that had cause the emotional outburst and not things in my past from “war”.I have also been diagnosed with PTSD something more common these days, but ive never been one to take medication even though I give it. I thank you for any help you can give.
Ran across your site while doing research. Long story short: my best friend of 30 years is a functioning alcoholic, a binge drinker of 24 years’ experience. He’s one of those guys who’s the life of the party; but the party has been going for more than 20 years, and it’s starting to show. He’s aging rapidly and is showing increasing signs of foregetfulness.
All of his friends and I have tried an intervention at one time or another, to no avail. He knows he has a problem, but refuses to do anything about it. He is not going to stop until he hits bottom. Like most functioning alcoholics, however, he’s very clever: he has arranged his life so that he has few responsibilities and has plenty of free time to drink. After being rebuffed, we’re all standing back and waiting for the crash.
It shouldn’t be long now, though. Your description of impairment and memory loss fits him to a T. Soon will come the blackouts, and we’re all getting prepared.
Thanks for a great resource.
Hello Dr. Neill!
First I would like to say that Iam reading your book “Living with the functioning alcoholic” Prior to reading your book, I already knew what I had to do. However, the reassurance I received from your book did indeed confirm taking control of the situation and I can say that today, I am at peace with the decisions I have made. My first decision was getting out of the dance in order for him to take me serious. In doing so, I also felt the relief of the strees I have been feeling during this 7 year relationship that has put my life on hold for 2 years of trying to get him to acknowledge his drinking problem. I eventually broke up with him 3 months ago.
3 weeks ago he came to me and told me that he can live without drinking, but cannot live without me. Today, we both are seeking the help we need in order to continue on with the relationship. I know that this is only the first step, but the bigger picture to me is knowing that at any time this may not work out. However, my sense of well-being is the most important thing I have to worry about. I will always be there for him, whether we stay together or not, but it is very clear to him that I am not waiting anymore for him to make “our life happen” So I want to thank you very much for your insight. I also wish to tell anyone that finds themselves in a similar situation to please, please, go out and get your book. The answers to your questions, may reveal a better insight to the person in the mirror,
YOURSELF! All I can say is Know the person you are before you try fixing someone else. You may find that you don’t need professional help at all if your willing to be open and honest with yourself. God Bless.
Hi, my dad is an alcoholic (58 years old) and has been since his 20s. About 10 years ago he started having problems with his short-term memory and I believe he has that korsakoff’s psychosis, because he does definitely make up stories with what he thinks probably happened when in fact they didn’t.
My question is, with brain exercises or nutrition, can his memory problem be restored with time (provided he stays off the booze) or is the damage permanent? if so, what kind of brain exercises and things should we be doing with him? (and of course, he doesn’t think he has a memory problem)
Thanks!
Dear Midgy,
Long-term alcohol abuse does cause brain damage, and conventional wisdom says that the damage is permanent.
However, recent research is showing that the brain is much more plastic than we thought. New cells and neural pathways can grow. I suggest you start by reading, “The Brain That Changes Itself: Stories of Personal Triumph from the Frontiers of Brain Science” by Norman Doidge. Get it at Amazon.com.
However, there is another more dismal possibility, and that is early-onset Alzheimer’s Disease. It’s unlikely, but don’t ignore it, because the symptoms are very similar.