Death of a Son…Three Months out

Neill Neill, Ph.D.

Those of you who know me personally or have been following my blog are aware that I lost my son to cancer and other problems three months ago. In fact, he died three months ago yesterday. It is a part of parenting none of us ever wants to have face, but it happened nonetheless.

I tell my clients that it may take two years to get completely through the [tag-ice]grieving[/tag-ice] for the loss of a loved one. But applying that principle to my own life is harder. I think I’ve been doing quite well in getting back to normal. My energy level is back up. I am able to concentrate. I am enjoying my work. Family life is good.

Then two things happened this week that caught me off guard and shouldn’t have. For the past week or so I have been having disturbing dreams. They’re not intense enough to qualify as nightmares, but they are about death and loss and interpersonal blunders. A couple of times I’ve not been able to get back to sleep.

The other thing that happened is that yesterday, the anniversary of my son’s death, I received a letter from our local Hospice Society. I had been in to see them around the time of my son’s death and they had been great.

The letter from Iris, the Bereavement Program Coordinator, began thus:

"Just a short note to let you know that we, here at Oceanside Hospice Society, are thinking of you.

 It is not unusual for people to have a resurgence of intense grief at the three month mark so we wanted to connect with you at this time. This resurgence may be partly because the ‘shock’ of losing your loved one has started to wear off, and also because many friends and family may have resumed their ‘normal’ lives, leaving you feeling more isolated and alone. This is a time where self care is important, and I have enclosed some information about this."

Her letter went on to say more about the [tag-tec]grieving[/tag-tc] process and the importance of self-care while grieving, as well as to give some useful "Hints for Self Care."

Wham! How could I not have recognized what my bad dreams were about? The combination of the dreams and the helpful letter from Iris at Hospice has been just another reminder that I am human like everybody else, and must go through the [tag-cat]grieving[/tag-cat] process like everyone else, after a loved one has died.

My thanks to the Universe and to the Hospice Society.

Tagged as: bereavement, death-of-a-child, death-of-a-son, Grieving, hospice, Parenting