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Since then, he has claimed that he quit drinking, but sometimes he will come up from the basement slurring his words, hiccuping, and staggering. He kept telling me I was crazy, and he wasn’t drinking. We even bought an alcohol detector. It mostly came up negative, but the one time it did come up positive, he said it was broken. I’ve never found any bottles anywhere, so I’m feeling like I’m being crazy. I don’t know what to do. We’re ready to start a family, but I don’t want to start one if he’s closet drinking. I would leave, but I haven’t caught him in the act and obviously I love him. Am I being controlling or paranoid?

We live separate lives in the same house. I refuse to give him money or buy beer for him. We have one car and once he starts drinking I hide the keys. We don’t fight anymore we just barely speak. I am very lonely but can’t afford to live on my own. I am really at a loss as what to do. Thanks.

I’ve always felt we have had an honest and open relationship. And a very good marriage. But recently I’ve smelled alcohol on his breath and he denies drinking. But I’m now discovering water bottle’s hidden around the house. The last one I didn’t even confront him about and just took it. He knows he got caught. He’s a great dad and husband but I’m very worried about where this is all going. He’s promised me over and over again that he isn’t lying to me. But he is and it’s spiraling out of control. Where do I go from here?

It’s caused both of our families to resent each other and his family hates me and tells him to leave me and find someone else. He got drunk and ran out of beer while I was driving and said if I didn’t take him to get more beer he was going to hit my car door on a mailbox. We drove with my door wide open. The last time, he took all the covers and pillows while me and my son was trying to sleep and asked if I learned my lesson. He hides stuff from me. He talks bad about me to his family and friends. But then turns around and tells me what I want to hear basically. He has tried to get with other women and has actually had sexual activity with another woman. I stay because we have kids. But I’m at the end of the rope here and I do not know where to turn anymore. If I bring up drinking, he does it more and we fight more. I’ve read u have said he has to want to quit and he says he wants to. But he’s still bringing it home.

I am madly in love with my hubby, but am at the breaking point. He drinks beer every day, and uses drinking as a way to deal with stress. I am an avid runner, so I personally cannot relate with his “stress releasing” method. If I am stressed, I run. Our marriage is on the brink of destruction. He works in the restaurant industry, and I work as an accountant, so our schedules could not be more opposite. I catch him in lies all the time. He will tell me that the restaurant is busy and that he is closing, when really he finished at 10, and drank at a local bar for the remainder of the night, arriving home between 12am and 2am. This upsets me as then he is tired and grumpy the next day, and he is short and rude with me.

3 years ago he got a DUI and I was actually happy about it! I felt that this was the wake-up he needed and that maybe he would stop drinking. His parents have hid the fact that he got a DUI from the rest of his family. And he has continued to drink nightly. In fact I think it is physically impossible for him not to have a beer after work and if he is not working he drinks at home. I can no longer sleep when he is not home as I don’t trust what he is doing. I have showed up several times at his work when he is apparently working, only to be informed that he left hours ago. It is embarrassing.

The only time I get to spend time with him, is if I invite myself out with him after work, and we drink together at a local bar. When out together he is happy and loving. But the entire time out, I feel guilty that I am enabling his addiction. We never go to bed at the same time, as it is more important for him to stay up to watch TV and drink beer. He believes that he cannot sleep after a stressful day at work if he does not drink. His drinking is starting to affect all areas of our marriage. I don’t trust him, and I fear that when he is lying to me about drinking, he is also lying about other things.

He is constantly tired and grumpy and does not have energy to do any activities with me, and as of late is rude and disrespectful to me. He gets angry and defensive when I talk to him about his drinking, he claims that work is stressful and drinking helps him deal with that stress, and because he does not drink first thing in the morning, he does not have a problem. He admits that at a past job (that I made him quit before our wedding) that he was an alcoholic. But since he has moved on from that stressful job, he no longer has a drinking problem.

My friends and immediate family are tired of me complaining about the situation, and are now telling me that I should leave before I get pregnant and bring a child into the dysfunctional relationship. I’ve tried reaching out to my Husband’s family for support, but they refuse to acknowledge that he has a problem and it does more damage then good. I have taken up many other physical activities, and now have a sport or team that I am involved in every weeknight. I did this initially to distract myself from what was happening at home, and now am using it as an avoidance tool. I feel pushed up between a rock and a hard place…..

He provides for us, never hits or abuses us and thinks he deserves to have his beers. I wonder all the time if staying with him will hurt our children more than divorcing him. I know they see it but they think its normal. They don’t know any different. I am so stuck and lost. I don’t know where to go from here and what to do. I need help.

Brandy