My husband, Don, is definitely what I would consider functioning alcoholic. He can knock down a 24 pack and 18 pack of beer on a weekend and you would barely know he has had anything. During the work week he drinks anywhere from 6 to 8 beers a night( Monday through Thursday )and kicks it in to high gear on weekend. He smokes about 2 packs of cigarettes a day to boot. He goes to work religiously never takes off a day, but the few times he will take a few days off from drinking to prove to me he is not an alcoholic(he thinks that is proof) he goes right back to his old ways. In beer and cigarettes alone he spends about $400.00, and yet our sons do not have health insurance nor do we which he could easily afford at least for them, if he would stop both these horrible addictions.

I have been living with this for 9 years and am at the end of my rope. I stay upset about it and he could care less. I cry a lot over this and the hardest thing is that I cannot seem to make his care and put his sons needs above his own selfish wants.

Thanks for your time,
Marney

Thank you so much for your response! I have talked to the boys grandparents (the alcoholic’s parents) about his situation and I gave them information that could prove helpful to their dealing with the situation. There is a mother in all of this and she has spoken about trying to fight for custody of the 12 year old, but I do not know if she will follow through with it as she doesn’t follow through very well.

Thank you so much for your website, it has given me so much to think about. I’ve been going to Al-Anon meetings since January and I have to tell you, your website has helped me SO much more.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart! God Bless You!

The questions about the boy are serious ones that we need all consider when we become aware of a child being abused or neglected. Does he have a mother? Is she aware of and going along with this? Would it catch his attention if he got a DUI? Would his child be better off in state child care? Someone needs to take charge of this child’s care before he kills the child and/or himself in an accident, and it probably shouldn’t be you. However, you might have to be the one that reports the child neglect or endangerment to the appropriate authorities. If you are afraid of repercussions for you, get a friend to do it.

My alcoholic boyfriend broke up with me about a month ago after catching him in another lie. He doesn’t see that he has a problem and has NO problem driving his 12 year old son around while he’s under the influence. He leaves this boy home after school alone until late evening because he goes to the bars after work and hangs with the guys! His son has made comments to me like “why does dad say he’ll be home in a little while and doesn’t come home until 10 pm”. My heart breaks for this boy and I’ve been the only constant in his life and now I’m gone! I’m trying to move on with my life but can’t help feeling like I could do more to help this 12 year old. The broken promises, lies, selfishness of the alcoholic really have bad effects on those around him and he won’t see it. Any suggestions for me? Should I just walk away and be done? Thanks

Congrats on making a decision to quit and just doing it. That’s what I did three decades ago from about the same amount of alcohol. Consuming that amount of alcohol for any length of time is bound to create metabolic/hormonal/nutritional imbalances. I developed a whole bunch of food allergies for a few years after I quit. That may account for the physical part of the cravings. So do your research, perhaps starting with your family doctor.

The psychological component of the cravings will fade as you reinvent yourself and your life, as you pursue things that excite you.

I have helped men and women with this part of the recovery. Usually they are people like you who must avoid groups because they can’t risk public exposure of their problem.

Neill

Mark

There is medication he could take to reduce cravings; he would have to see a medical doctor for that. As to the counseling issue, see what i wrote to James, above.

My husband has a drinking problem, has admitted the problem, and even gone to counseling twice. Both times he stopped going. The second counseler he said he did not like so I told him that if he did not like her it was not going to work. He has not gone back. As far as I can see he has gone from 15-18 beers a day to about 6 a day. I ask him if he has more and he looks at me and tells me no. I want to believe him and it is killing me inside to think he might be lying to me. I have talked to him about it, and he gets “better” for a few days, then its back to the same old thing. I almost feel like leaving and telling him to get himself together but don’t know if that will work. He is in no way abusive, and is a great dad to our boys. I wish there was medicine to take to help the craving away kind of like cigarettes. Should I urge him to seek counseling again???

He might very well have a serious alcohol problem already. The signs are there. Ignore it, and you could be in for years of heartache. Confront the issue now. Reading my book would arm you with some knowledge about alcoholism, which can be very helpful to you.

Take care of yourself.
Neill

I often find myself worried about my boyfriend’s drinking habits as my father is a functioning alcoholic. I sometimes wonder if I am just being paranoid or if I am really seeing signs of a future problem. As we don’t yet live together it is hard for me to really know the depth of his drinking habits. He is employed in a respectable trade but has admitted to drinking heavily before a day of work, drinking to the point of blacking out and he has hinted that drinking by himself for “fun” is sometimes enjoyable for him. I myself often work odd hours and am not often around during any parties or drinking incidences so I really don’t know how he is when he is drunk. I have noticed that his friends do drink more frequently and consume more alcohol than any of my friends, but are they just content young professionals enjoying some drinks, or does he have a problem that I should seriously address?