Did you know that Christmas time ranks just below finances at the top of the list of what people find stressful and worrisome? Yes, Christmas has a dark side as well as a bright side. Where are you on the continuum between joy and dread at Christmas? Or are you all over the map?

For some Christmas is a time of joy, of family reunions, of generosity, of friendship, of gleeful children, of Christmas lights and of celebration. But for others Christmas is a dreaded time of pain, sadness or loneliness.

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A new website is about to launch. It could be big and it is already multinational. It’s called "School Made Much Easier" and it’s designed for students, parents, educators and EFT practitioners. The website is www.SchoolMadeMuchEasier.com. Check it out and get your name on the advance notice list. The expected launch is in a couple of weeks.

School Made Much Easier is the brainchild and passion of Paul Widdershoven, an experienced EFT practitioner.

Emotional Freedom Technique, commonly known as EFT, is an energy-healing technique developed by Gary Craig (my teacher) in the 1990s. It has been so effective in reducing emotional distress that it is now used by psychologists, counsellors, medical doctors and educators around the world. What’s even more exciting is that tens of thousands of non-professionals use EFT as a valuable self-help tool.

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One time I heard a man I knew say to his wife "I don’t trust you. But don’t take it personally; I don’t trust anyone."

What made his statement particularly bizarre was that this same man expected trust from everyone else—his employees, his business associates, his creditors, and yes, his wife.

The fact is you need people to trust you to order a meal in a restaurant, to have a credit card or a driver’s license or even to be out in public. You can’t get on in life without others trusting you.

But neither can you get on in life without trusting others too. You trust your employer will pay you. You trust the driver of the car arriving at the stop sign will stop and not run into you.

How does trust develop? The fact is you started off in life in a state of trust.

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Dr. Neill Neill

It was with sadness that I heard the news of the death in our small community of a five-year-old boy, accidentally run over by a backing truck. And now I see from the local newspaper that his grieving parents are struggling with an insurance company.

What distinguishes an accidental death from other deaths is the suddenness. Most of what I write below applies to other deaths, although the timing may be a bit different.

Last year I suffered the death of a son. But the death of a child? My son was 41 and we saw it coming; this little boy was vibrant and healthy and only five. When a child of that age dies, it is as if a part of the parents dies. What horrific trauma for the parents!

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I want to thank www.More4kids.info for the insightful article, Does your Child Have an Imaginary Friend?  Both the article and a movie (below) could be really helpful to parents who are wondering about whether or not they should push reality or participate with their child in interacting with their imaginary friend. Dealing with your child’s imaginary friends is an interesting part of parenting.

We just watched the excellent movie entitled, Opal Dreams, in which a child with two imaginary friends, Pobby and Dingan, interacts with her parents and community. Opal Dreams is available on DVD and is set in Lightning Ridge, the opal capital of Australia. It’s a family film worth watching. Enjoy.

Dr. Neill Neill, Registered Psychologist, maintains an active psychology and life-coaching practice on Vancouver Island, BC, Canada. He is a member of the treatment team at Sunshine Coast Health Centre, an alcohol and drug treatment center for men. His goal is to help you to help yourself to a better life. http://www.neillneill.com

Dr. Neill Neill

Teens indulge in more high-risk behavior in general than adults do. Understanding why teens take big risks is a key to good parenting. Your job as a parent isn’t over when they are seventeen, no matter how much they protest they are adults. Good parenting sometimes is a matter of life or death with adolescents.

Every day we hear of middle-of-the-night automobile accidents due to speed alcohol and fatigue with young drivers. Sixteen- and seventeen-year-olds account for disproportionately more fatal automobile accidents than do adults. Almost by definition young drivers have less experience driving than older drivers, but that does not make them bad drivers.

On the contrary, many of our young drivers are very competent. They have gone through recent driver education. They have deliberately practiced and honed their driving skills. They stop at stop signs. They show courtesy to other drivers. They signal to turn or change lanes. They have not yet slipped into the sloppy driving habits of many of their elders.

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Kevin at More4kids posted an important piece about the fact that labeling children or calling them demeaning names can do long-term damage to them. He gives some good parenting advice on corrective action if you do slip up. If you have children or grandchildren, or plan to, do check out "Parenting and How Labeling Your Child Can Be Destructive" It’s basic child psychology.

However, do you know why the damage can be so fast and long-lasting?

It has to do with the way children learn. From about age three to age nine or ten, children’s brainwaves look like the brainwaves of an adult under hypnosis. When you say something to a child in that age range, it is taken in instantly and without question. The child has just accepted a "truth." These truths are called "introjects."

Parental pronouncements are swallowed whole and become part of the child’s view of the world. This childhood ability allows the child to learn huge quantities of information, attitudes and values without even thinking about it.

If you say "The car won’t start unless your seatbelt is fastened," that’s the truth, until he starts figuring things out around age ten. However, if you tell a child he’s stupid or he won’t amount to anything, that’s also the truth, but that truth could stay permanently lodged in his belief system.

So be very careful you don’t use labels which could sabotage your child for a lifetime.

Thank you, Kevin, for your timely parenting article.

Telus, a major telephone company, announced recently that it was going to sell pornography to its cell phone subscribers. If it had proceeded, it would be the first in North America. There was a huge backlash and they canceled their plan. Other big telephone companies quickly distanced themselves from any move to sell porn to their cell phone customers.

Regardless of their rationale for backpedaling, Telus did the right thing.

A task force of the American Psychological Association (APA) released a major report called "The Sexualization of Girls" on February 19. They reported wide evidence that the proliferation in media and advertising of sexualized images of young women and girls is harmful to girls’ self-image and healthy development. It’s damaging to the physical health of our children. It’s damaging to their mental health.

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By Neill Neill, Ph.D.

We all know people who bully their way through life. Through bluster and intimidation they get what they want at the expense of other people.

This column is not about schoolyard bullying. It’s about the models we provide to our children who then become bullies or their victims.

The bullies in adult life are the bosses who exude the message "My way or the highway." They are the men and women who hijack a committee by jockeying themselves into the position of chairperson, and then through force of position and personality, get the committee to endorse what they want. Your choice is to go along with them or resign.

Bullying is the antithesis of leadership. The leader inspires people to bring out their best while pursuing a common goal. The bully intimidates. The leader has a high respect for others. The bully respects no one, except, of course, a bigger bully.

We find bullying in the workplace, in government, in places of religion in education and in the family. Our children are exposed to these models every day.

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by Dr. Neill Neill, Registered Psychologist

Parents with young children are totally involved in caring for and protecting their kids. They are enmeshed with their young children. That deep level of codependency of parent and child ensures the survival of the children.

But change comes quickly. Your kids learn to do things for themselves, and then demand to do them. They develop their own personalities.

You celebrate each time your young children learn to do something independently, like tie their shoelaces, hammer a nail or write a story. Then they enter the teenage years, those few years of rapid physical and emotional transition from childhood to adulthood. They feel sexual urges. They feel very “adult.” They begin to flex the independence you so strongly encouraged up to now.

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