Most men in the 40 to 55 age range will experience a period of emotional difficulty at some point. A minority will reach that point before 40 or after 55.

They typically go through it privately, but if it becomes visible, it is sometimes called a mid-life crisis. They may feel unhappy or anxious, or feel stuck in an unsatisfying marriage. They may be troubled by physical problems such as, high blood pressure, heart problems or insomnia. They may be spending or drinking compulsively.

Regardless of the set of symptoms each presents, they are unanimous in their feeling that something is not quite right in their lives.

Click Here to Read More

Dr. Neill Neill

If you are like most of us, there are some things you’d like to change in yourself. Perhaps you’ve even made New Years resolutions to change.

This kind of commitment is good. Commitment is one key to losing weight, getting in shape, learning a new skill, finding your soul mate, getting a better job, learning a new language, running a marathon, going back to school, drinking less, spending time with your kids or communicating better with your partner.

You may be one of those people who can commit to personal change and follow through just like the women in the weight-loss adds on TV. If so, congratulations!

Enter Self Sabotage

If you are like most of us and run into problems following through, however, perhaps you are sabotaging your intentions without even realizing it. Does the following example apply to you in any way?

Click Here to Read More

Did you know that Christmas time ranks just below finances at the top of the list of what people find stressful and worrisome? Yes, Christmas has a dark side as well as a bright side. Where are you on the continuum between joy and dread at Christmas? Or are you all over the map?

For some Christmas is a time of joy, of family reunions, of generosity, of friendship, of gleeful children, of Christmas lights and of celebration. But for others Christmas is a dreaded time of pain, sadness or loneliness.

Click Here to Read More

Have you ever wondered where the guilt you sometimes feel is coming from? Do you think to yourself that you have nothing to be guilty about, yet you feel a twinge of guilt from time to time? Do you wonder if the guilt could be keeping you stuck in less than full mental health? Then read on.

I’m going to suggest one place guilt feelings come from and a simple way to reduce them.

When you were a child you were probably told a number of times that you should look both ways before you cross the street. Then when you mother would check up on you just before crossing a street, you would tell her with glee, "I should look both ways."

Click Here to Read More

Dr. Neill Neill

Most of us personally know at least one family that has been touched by cancer. The chances are that we have experienced cancer in our own families. Perhaps you are dealing with a diagnosis of cancer or have beaten cancer yourself.

I personally have lost a son, two sisters-in-law and two favorite uncles to cancer in the last five years.

I just got off the phone with a dear friend whose mother has been recently diagnosed with cancer. Her cancer has not metastasized, so with surgery and probably chemo her chances of a full recovery are good.

Click Here to Read More

I’m at the Association for Comprehensive Energy Psychology conference in Virginia, USA and I promised to report back to you if possible.

Today I took in a great training workshop called, The Pleasure of Weight Loss. It was a very hands-on training in using Tapas Acupressure Technique (TAT) to help people lose weight and keep it off. And the icing on the cake was that the workshop was led by Tapas Fleming herself. Tapas is the inventor/originator of TAT, and she is a great teacher.

I had the pleasure of training with Tapas seven years ago, so today was for recharging, discovering what’s new with TAT and learning a new application.

Click Here to Read More

Neill Neill, Ph.D.

The first three stress management tips involved in breathing to let go of tension, keeping your body hydrated to avoid the brain fog and going on a presence walk to get yourself functioning in present time.

Today’s tip, Take an Appreciation Break, is again very simple and easy to follow. But its effects can be profound, because they take place at the physical and spiritual levels, as well as the emotional level.

The Appreciation Break

Look at something, think about something or remember something that you really appreciate or are grateful for. Let yourself feel how much you appreciate it. Feel it at the heart level if you can. Stay with it for 15 or 20 seconds. Do it any time and often, but especially when you are experiencing stress.

When I discovered the appreciation break a few years ago, a beautiful public flower bed near our home was in full bloom. Any time I was stressed or felt under pressure, I would just let my mind go to that flower bed. Within seconds my body would relax and a smile would return to my face. It was during a rough time so I did it multiple times a day.

The thought or memory could also be of a person, a pet, a song or a saint. The content doesn’t matter, just as long as it’s something you really appreciate. (I have been appreciating the sun last few days because we are just emerging from months of cloud and rain.)

As you practice this little exercise over time, it takes less and less time to slip into a state of appreciation, so that eventually you can get there almost instantly.

On the physical level the appreciation break is one of the most effective ways of bringing your heart rhythm into coherence. Simply stated, it helps your heart to work more in congruence with the rest of the body. It’s good for you heart and as a consequence it is good for all your body’s systems.

On the spiritual level the exercise shares a great deal with giving a prayer of thanks. Both are from the heart. Both connect you with something outside of yourself, and as such, act as an acknowledgment of your connection to the universe.

Perhaps the appreciation break and the prayer of thanks are the same thing, except that the appreciation break has no explicit religious connotation. Clearly, either is an expression of human spirituality, whether you are conscious of it or not.

The appreciation break is another key to good stress management, this one grounded in positive psychology. It is a basic mental health tool. Getting in the habit of taking frequent appreciation breaks could change your life.

Dr. Neill Neill, Registered Psychologist, maintains an active psychology and life-coaching practice on Vancouver Island, BC, Canada. He is a member of the treatment team at Sunshine Coast Health Centre, an alcohol and drug treatment center for men. His goal is to help you to help yourself to a better life. http://www.neillneill.com

Neill Neill, Ph.D.

After supplying your body with oxygen and water, you need "presence" for good stress management. The best practice I have ever found for getting present and then staying present for more of your day is a special kind of walk. I call it the "presence walk." It could turn out to be one of the most important tools in your mental health arsenal.

The presence walk is mechanically the same as any other walk; what is different is what you do with your mind while walking.

You have probably heard lots of different expressions about the importance of being present; for example, "Be here now!" "The point of power is in the present." But do you really understand why presence is so important?

The simple answer is that there is no trauma in the present. When we think of trauma we think of something bad that happened in the past. In other words our minds go out of present time and into the past. When we worry about something stressful or even traumatic that might happen in the future, our minds leave the present and move into the future.

Right now you are having a coffee. If you are feeling overwhelmed, it is because your mind on all the things that you have to get done– the future.

So to get your mind off past stresses or worries about the future, here is an exercise that I guarantee will bring you into the present. I’ve been using it personally for twenty years.

Go for a walk of at least 20 minutes. Walk where there are trees if you can. Trees are good because they are big and they are alive. If there are no trees were you live, try to walk where there are other live objects, the bigger the better. Large cacti will work, for example. But use whatever you can.

As you walk let your eyes focus on an individual tree as you approach it. Take in its size, its shape, its color, its texture, and any sounds or smells that come from it. Do not name it; just observe it. When you have it– it should take three or four seconds — let your eyes move to another tree and do the same thing, and then do it again, and again.

Always pick a tree far enough ahead that you never have to break your pace to finish taking it in.

If you continue this for 20 minutes, you will be fully present. The more often you practice the presence walk the more ease you will have in getting into a present time. And besides, you get all the benefits of good walk.

Getting present is key to good stress management. It is important in avoiding the buildup of chronic stress. The presence walk is a basic mental health tool, so use it often.

Dr. Neill Neill, Registered Psychologist, maintains an active psychology and life-coaching practice on Vancouver Island, BC, Canada. He is a member of the treatment team at Sunshine Coast Health Centre, an alcohol and drug treatment center for men. His goal is to help you to help yourself to a better life. http://www.neillneill.com

Telus, a major telephone company, announced recently that it was going to sell pornography to its cell phone subscribers. If it had proceeded, it would be the first in North America. There was a huge backlash and they canceled their plan. Other big telephone companies quickly distanced themselves from any move to sell porn to their cell phone customers.

Regardless of their rationale for backpedaling, Telus did the right thing.

A task force of the American Psychological Association (APA) released a major report called "The Sexualization of Girls" on February 19. They reported wide evidence that the proliferation in media and advertising of sexualized images of young women and girls is harmful to girls’ self-image and healthy development. It’s damaging to the physical health of our children. It’s damaging to their mental health.

Click Here to Read More

Dr. Neill Neill, Registered Psychologist

After breathing oxygen, drinking water is the second most essential step in maintaining life. So drink lots of water.

It is estimated that 75% of Americans suffer mild chronic dehydration. Many would be drinking enough water were it not for the fact that they also use diuretics such as caffeine and alcohol which cause dehydration.

A host of problems have been associated with dehydration, but how does dehydration relate to stress? The brain is composed of 95% water. A mere 2% drop in body water will begin to shrink your brain and cause fuzzy short-term memory, difficulty focusing and daytime fatigue. The cluster of symptoms is sometimes called the brain fog.

Brain fog makes thinking harder and life more stressful. Therefore, avoiding or minimizing brain fog is a part of any good stress management program.

Of course, chronic dehydration also leads to a host of physical problems such as hypertension, under-functioning kidneys and joint pain. Physical problems tend to create more chronic stress.

The solution is obvious: drink lots of water to keep your brain and the rest of your body working optimally.

Drink extra water under circumstances of increased body-water loss; for example, when you drink alcohol or coffee, exercise, fly or are under stress.

Drinking lots of water is key to good stress management. It is important in avoiding the buildup of chronic stress, and it is a central tool in reducing stress when it arises.

Dr. Neill Neill, Registered Psychologist, maintains an active psychology and life-coaching practice on Vancouver Island, BC, Canada. He is a member of the treatment team at Sunshine Coast Health Centre, an alcohol and drug treatment center for men. His goal is to help you to help yourself to a better life. http://www.neillneill.com