Dr. Neill Neill

 

When two people are in close sync with each other, they often give little hints of their close connection. For example, they complete each other’s sentences. Such mind reading, tuning in to an intimate partner’s thoughts, is fun, but usually fleeting.

 

Then one day your partner makes several wrong guesses. You are frustrated, not with his failure to read your mind, but with his failure to listen to you as you try to explain something. He was too busy trying to come up with the right word to hear what you were saying. Then it begins to dawn on you that you aren’t listening either; you are fumbling with his thoughts, rather than listening to his words.

 

In any long-term relationship, a million things can come along to interrupt communication… babies, work, illness, in-laws… Every such interruption increases the need for clear verbal communication between you. It is unfortunate that this increasing need for clear verbal communication often comes at a time when you think you know each other quite well and don’t need to talk things out as much.

Dr. Neill Neill

Have you ever noticed that as you grow older in a relationship, each partner changes? Sometimes the change is internal brought on by a great external change in your relationship—like the birth of a new baby. Do you notice that your partner has changed? Or do you still view them as they were when you first got together?

Jane and John seem to be at an impasse…

Dr. Neill Neill

 

Good communication is the hallmark of a healthy relationship. However, communication often falters when one or both parties fail to take personality style into account, especially when making decisions. Guilty as charged…

 

One time I got a huge wake-up jolt. My wife said one day something like, "Let’s do _____ this weekend. This is what I would like to do. You usually make all the decisions."

By Carrie Powell-Davidson

 

We hope that Christmas is a time of joy and happy memories for everyone but the sad truth is, it is not.  Many people have experienced the loss of a loved one and celebrating Christmas without them is unbearable.  Others may be battling one of life’s challenges such as addiction, illness or poverty and well, their priorities just don’t include a warm and fuzzy holiday.  For many of us who work so hard throughout the year, the mere thought of taking on yet another burden like preparing for Christmas is squashing any hopes of a merry ho ho.  As retailers and revelers prepare to greet the festivities with open arms, let’s slow it down a notch and have a look at some ways that might help you to relax this season.

Dr. Neill Neill

 

You have been married and under the same roof for 27 years. For most of that time things have been good, but the last few years have been punctuated with verbal attacks, blaming, criticizing and justifying on both sides.  How do you go about rebuilding your marriage? 

 

You now have separate bedrooms and sometimes go for days without interacting. The underlying atmosphere is so thick with resentment you could cut it with a knife.

 

Neither of you wants the marriage to end, but when you interact, the sparks fly. Your friends say divorce is the only answer.

 

What should you do to rebuild your marriage?

Dr. Neill Neill

 

When two people get married for the first time, they seldom anticipate ever being part of a blended family. However, blended families, and how we transition into them, are facts of modern life.

 

On the first evening of a recent holiday weekend my wife Eileen and I headed off to a cottage on Mount Washington. About the same time three other cars were en route. Our daughter (Eileen’s) and our two grandchildren arrived. Eileen’s ex husband and his wife arrived with their son and Eileen’s and his son. Then their daughter from Ontario and her toddler arrived in the fourth car.

Dr. Neill Neill

If you are in an unhappy marriage, is it better to stay married just for the sake of the children–or to divorce? Are the affects of divorce on children always negative? What really is best for the children?

Dr. Neill Neill

There are many ways to end a relationship. But many troubled relationships can be turned around, especially if things have not been left simmering for too long. Rebuilding a relationship requires an intention on the part of each party to change. Focusing exclusively on the other is a recipe for failure. Witness: "You make me drink." "Your drinking is the cause of our problems."

Sadly, some relationships reach a point of no return. They are beyond being able to rebuild respect, trust, peace and love. Those marriages need to end.

Dr. Neill Neill

There is more to retirement planning than the financial issues. As a psychologist, I see people with avoidable emotional issues. If you incorporate mental health and life legacy goals into your planning as you approach retirement, you can create a happier retirement and a more peaceful marriage.

 

 

Sam retires and is finally "free to not have to get up and go to work every day…"