Recent suicides by adolescents and children in the wake of ongoing bullying have got us all thinking about bullying. It’s an uncomfortable topic, because so many of us at one time or other have been a victim, a bully or a silent witness (another kind of victim). It’s a broad societal problem.
Challenging a bully involves risk. I once had a manager who ordered a colleague to do something unethical. When she challenged him, he discredited her with lies. When I tried to intervene, I became his target and we both were fired. He then turned on a senior professional who had supported me during the ordeal. That professional, having seen what just happened to me, simply resigned.
In one of my articles I talked about how addiction and codependency can be two sides of the same coin. That generated yet another request for an article about dealing with alcoholic children.
It’s a difficult assignment for me because the psychologist who helps others with relationships tainted by any of a myriad of issues, including addiction, codependency and dealing with adult children and parents who abuse alcohol, has himself fallen into many of the same traps.
This week’s blog post is by a guest blogger.
The Child may not be the Problem: Children of Alcoholic Parents
By Patricia Walling
It has been said that parenting is the most difficult job in the world. Each developmental stage presents a unique set of trials and tribulations for parents. Sometimes, though, the problem is not with the child but with the set of parents’ skills and behaviors.
There are two kinds of control over other people: wisdom-based control and fear-based control.
The most obvious example of wisdom-based control is in child rearing. You are in total control of your infant child. You help your child grow up healthy and confident by controlling their learning environment. You teach through words and example and you often say no.
As time passes your child becomes more independent and learns to make good decisions. Wisdom dictates that you turn increasing amounts of control over to your maturing child.