Neill Neill, Ph.D.

I think of love as a universal potion or glue that binds us all together. Love has been called a lot of things, from the ultimate high to a dangerous psychosis. It is certainly at the core of self growth and spirituality. The topic of love is broad, but we can narrow the focus by exploring the opposite of love. Consider the following collection of negative emotions:

anxiety, anger, shame, guilt, loneliness,
jealousy, envy, regret, unfriendliness,
feeling insulted, feeling abandoned,
need to control, need to be right,
feeling judgmental, feeling worried,
resentment, embarrassment, panic,
feeling unloved, depression

It’s quite a collection of negative emotions, but consider what they all have in common. They all share three related things:

Click Here to Read More

Neill Neill, Ph.D.

A judge in the Province of Ontario recently ruled that it could be offensive to some minorities to place a Christmas tree in the courthouse, and so ended a long tradition. I call this "bizarre." So I got to thinking about other erosions of traditional celebration in the name of political correctness.

I realized something else had been bothering me. I would start to wish someone a Merry Christmas.  Then I would find myself qualifying my well-wishing with "I know it’s not politically correct to say this, but…"

What I found interesting was that without exception everyone I said this to expressed similar frustration with the pressure to be politically correct.  The universal refrain was "Why can’t I just wish someone well in my own tradition?"

Click Here to Read More

Neill Neill, Ph.D.

How good are you at receiving? 

We are coming down the home stretch of a season that for most of us is filled with giving and receiving. With all the stress and increased financial pressure of family gift giving, we still try to open our hearts and our wallets to others in need.

But for giving to mean anything there have to be receivers. A receiver is different from a taker. We pay taxes, but we usually don't think of ourselves as "giving" taxes. The government takes them. Perhaps the Receiver General or the IRS would be more honestly named the "Taker General." Paying taxes for services is an economic exchange, not giving and receiving.

Contrast the taxation exchange with donating to the Salvation Army Christmas food program. The less fortunate among us, who ultimately receive the food hampers, are receivers. They are aided by an army of givers of time, the volunteers. The volunteers accept our gifts of food and money on behalf of our community's needy that otherwise might not be able to have a special holiday dinner.

Click Here to Read More

Neill Neill, Ph.D.

Part Three of the Functioning Alcoholic

There is a third critical factor to bear in mind when questioning the functioning of a so-called "functioning alcoholic." The first factor to consider was whether the alcoholic is functioning generally in life, or just in one aspect of life, like his job. The second factor was whether the alcoholic in achieving his potential and pursuing his dreams, not just getting by.

The third factor has to with how long the "functioning," at whatever level, can last in the presence of alcoholism.

Click Here to Read More

Neill Neill, Ph.D.

I just read an inspiring post on a friend’s blog: "50 Ways to Find Serenity During The Holidays (when serenity is the last thing on your mind!) ". This is a good time of years to think about reducing holiday stress, or to put it in positive psychology terms, enhancing calm and serenity.

The topic is a bit unusual for Coach Maria; she typically writes about business topics. Maria Marsala is a business coach who calls herself "The Resource Queen." If you are in business, her sites are a goldmine of practical information about being successful with your business, so do get on her mailing list.She leads her article with

In the normal course of living, we sometimes feel "overwhelmed", "burnt out" or "stressed-out". I know I do, which is why I created this special list of things to do when I’m feeling less than peaceful. And around holiday time those feelings sometimes feel even more unmanageable.

Click Here to Read More

Neill Neill, Ph.D.

Part Two of The Functioning Alcoholic

In The Functioning Alcoholic: Part One I argued that doing one’s job is not one’s only function in life. For the alcoholic to consider himself to be "functioning" he has to function in various areas of life, not just on the job.

Abandoned Dreams and Underachievement

Click Here to Read More

Neill Neill, Ph.D.

At this time of year in many communities there are volunteer programs to get people home safely if they’ve been drinking and shouldn’t drive. Their existence is a reminder that Christmas parties, family gatherings, New Year’s Eve parties and other celebrations push up the alcohol consumption during the holiday season.

A few of all the people celebrating will already be full-blown alcoholics: they may drink a bit more than their normal level, but generally will blend in with everyone else. After all, they hold jobs, serve on volunteer committees, have families and have friends. These are the so-called "functioning alcoholics."

So what’s wrong with being an alcoholic if you can function normally?  

Part One is the first of three discussions of the issue.

Click Here to Read More