Neill Neill, Ph.D.

Choosing well is the foundation for a good marriage. Yet choosing is one of the most neglected pieces of the process of meeting, bonding, marrying, living life together and possibly having children. Choose well: the good and bad outcomes of your choice will shape your life, whether a first or second marriage, a Christian marriage, a common-law marriage, a mixed-race marriage or a same-sex marriage.

1.           Can you accept each other as you are, warts and all? You can’t change another person and you have absolutely no right to try to change your spouse. At the same time don’t promise to change if your potential partner can’t accept you as you are.  

This in no way means that you have to be the same.  Acceptance of yourself and each other can accommodate wide differences between you.

Acceptance is the most basic issue. If you can’t accept the reality of each other, walk.

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Neill Neill, Ph.D.

I am tickled that someone nominated Practical Psychology for Capable People for the Blog of the Day Award and am so grateful to have been selected for the award for January 29, 2007. Thank you to my readers. Thank you to the reviewers at Blog of the Day Awards.

The Blog of the Day Award  furthers the big goal, the mission, of Practical Psychology for Capable People, which is to provide practical psychological and spiritual nourishment, guidance and tips for self growth daily to thousands of visitors from around the world, so that we can all achieve more peace and fulfillment in our lives. This is my vision.

If you share my vision and want to help, send your questions, comments and suggestions. Tell your family and friends about the blog. Join my email list.

And above all bookmark the site and come back often.

Blessings, 

Neill

Neill Neill, Ph.D.

I just read a disturbing article in the New York Times, disturbing because its implications go far beyond the scope of the article.

The article is entitled, "What’s a Pound of Prevention Really Worth?" by David Leonhardt. He talks about a cardiologist who characterizes himself as "an accidental diet doctor." Dr. Arthur Agatston of South Beach Diet fame now claims that "Heart attacks are essentially disappearing from my practice."

The big picture of what he is saying and taking action on is simple. We know many of the factors that prevent heart attacks, both medical and lifestyle, so a vigorous prevention program reduces the risk by "up to 80 percent."

The problem is it takes a committed patient, frequent visits, nurses, nutritionists and others to succeed.

And according to the article his practice is losing money. Why?

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Neill Neill Ph.D.

A Story of Healing 

One time years ago I was treating two young women who were both showing signs of depression and grief and in general having a hard time in life. Both lived in a large city and didn’t know each other.

Neither could afford to pay for psychotherapy so their mothers were footing the bill.

It turned out that one had suffered sexual abuse as a child and the other as a teen had been in a couple of serious accidents causing physical injury, plus some other severe trauma in the interval between the two accidents.

We focused on clearing the aftereffects of trauma and were progressing very well with the work. Both were coming out of their depression. Both were no longer grieving their losses, one her loss of childhood (sexual abuse does this), and the other her loss of a carefree healthy transition from child to adult.

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Dr. Neill Neill, Ph.D., R.Psych., D-CEP

Welcome to Practical Psychology for Capable People, for secrets to a more peaceful and fulfilling life.

Practical Psychology for Capable People is your place for practical tips, insights and wisdom for a better life. Whether you want some marriage advice, are struggling with alcoholism in your family, facing some midlife changes, or simply wanting more peace in your life, this is your place to pause, reflect… and change.

I regulary post new articles here, often as a reflection of your questions and concerns. So bookmark this site and return often and leave your comments and questions.

For starters my gift to you is a free download of a short, very practical ebook I wrote, The Personal Change Manifesto.  I will send you an e-mail, entitled Practical Psychology[/tag-tec] for Capable People each time I publish a new article.

Enter your first name and email address in the box on the left and watch your inbox for instructions.

Neill

By Neill Neill, Ph.D.

We all know people who bully their way through life. Through bluster and intimidation they get what they want at the expense of other people.

This column is not about schoolyard bullying. It’s about the models we provide to our children who then become bullies or their victims.

The bullies in adult life are the bosses who exude the message "My way or the highway." They are the men and women who hijack a committee by jockeying themselves into the position of chairperson, and then through force of position and personality, get the committee to endorse what they want. Your choice is to go along with them or resign.

Bullying is the antithesis of leadership. The leader inspires people to bring out their best while pursuing a common goal. The bully intimidates. The leader has a high respect for others. The bully respects no one, except, of course, a bigger bully.

We find bullying in the workplace, in government, in places of religion in education and in the family. Our children are exposed to these models every day.

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By Neill Neill, Ph.D

I just finished reading an interesting article by Dave Shearon about positive psychology in the workplace, "Sure they’ll think you are smart, but will they want to work for you? " published in The Positive Psychology News Daily.

He talks about how happiness and being positive are downplayed in the workplace, yet he goes on to say, "Positive psychology researchers have shown that happy, optimistic, hopeful individuals, in addition to living longer and healthier lives and having better relationships, are also more successful." If you’ve ever wondered about ‘looking smart,’ read his article.

Mr. Shearon gives positive-psychology-based seminars to lawyers. I am a professional psychologist, so I wondered if the same comments apply to my profession. I concluded that indeed they do.

Because of confidentiality issues, I cannot observe directly other psychologists at work with their clients. But I do hear reports like "He’s really intelligent, but I didn’t feel hopeful when I left," or "She’s smart, but I don’t think she’s happy."

I was once criticized by a supervisor for laughing in sessions with clients. But for the last number of years I’ve been in solo private practice and haven’t had the constraints of a supervisor. I am by nature a happy, positive person and going solo has been a fascinating experience.

I perceive some interesting things to have happened over the course of my practice.

• First of all, the amount of laughter in my sessions has increased year by year, while the tears shed by clients in my sessions have decreased. (Some weeks produce no tissue in my wastebasket.)
• Secondly, the number of sessions it takes to help my clients through what brought them in the door has steadily decreased over the years.
• Thirdly, my local reputation as a psychologist/healer has grown over the course of my practice. My referrals are the people with the most severe problems.

I love positive psychology. Thank you Dr. Martin Seligman for legitimizing my work.

Neill

Psychologist Dr. Neill Neill maintains an active psychology and life-coaching practice on Vancouver Island, BC, Canada. He focuses on self growth, healthy relationships and life enhancement after addictions. He is the author of Living with a Functioning Alcoholic - A Woman’s Survival Guide. Get on his list for notification that he has posted a new article and receive his free report, "Personal Change."

Neill Neill, Ph.D.

I have long argued that more optimistic people live happier more fulfilling lives. This is basic positive psychology. We maximize our sense of wellbeing by focusing on what we want, not on what we don’t want. Optimistic people seem to have a brightness of the future. Their more pessimistic compatriots worry about the future.

Today I read an interesting New York Times article about mortality among optimistic versus pessimistic older adults. It was entitled "Yet Another Worry for Those Who Believe the Glass Is Half-Empty." It starts off with, "Now, it seems, pessimists may really have something to worry about: their health."

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Neill Neill, Ph.D.

After some much-needed family time, my first post of 2007 is to set a direction for 2007 and to invite you to come with me. In the past my first article has been about making resolutions and setting goals: how do you maximize your chances of manifesting your personal dreams for the new year?

This year I’ve been thinking about a more expanded approach, a big-picture approach to the new year. I’m not talking about your personal resolutions. Rather, I am talking about our collectively holding an intention, a larger vision for our community.

"Community" can be whatever you decide: your family, your neighborhood, your town or city, your country or even the global community.

My five top wishes for 2007 are below. Please join me in considering the big picture. Add your own big wishes to the Comments section below. With a clear direction there is something big or small that each of us can do to move our communities in that direction.

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