Friends and family sometimes tell me I work too much.

It’s true I spend a lot of time at what conventionally would be called work: seeing clients in my private practice, teaching and seeing clients in alcohol and drug rehab, writing regular columns for two newspapers and a magazine, and writing for my very active website, Practical Psychology for Capable People. None of this feels like work, but it does demand a lot of time just like "real work" does.

I tell others all the time that they need downtime to relax, recuperate, recharge and expand their perspective. I tell them to pursue something they are passionate about, just so long as it has nothing to do with work and lifts their spirits and leaves them feeling positive.

After all, taking downtime and using it well is a piece of positive psychology.

But does Dr. Neill practice what he preaches? You be the judge.

One of the ways I get that positive charge when I want to be completely off the work radar is going for a ride on my motorcycle. And the longer the ride, the better!

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This is a very personal article for April 20th. It is one person’s story of how thinking beyond himself and taking visible local action in the present became a life-guiding principle. It’s about responsibility and occasional courage.

On the Saturday morning of April 20 when I was 16 years old, my mother set off to drive to work. It was an easy drive of 11 miles from the little town of Elmira, Ontario. There was a bit of fresh spring snow on the road.

In less than 10 minutes from the time my mother left, my uncle Jim arrived at the door to say "Doreen is gone." She had been killed in a car accident.

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I’m at the Association for Comprehensive Energy Psychology conference in Virginia, USA and I promised to report back to you if possible.

Today I took in a great training workshop called, The Pleasure of Weight Loss. It was a very hands-on training in using Tapas Acupressure Technique (TAT) to help people lose weight and keep it off. And the icing on the cake was that the workshop was led by Tapas Fleming herself. Tapas is the inventor/originator of TAT, and she is a great teacher.

I had the pleasure of training with Tapas seven years ago, so today was for recharging, discovering what’s new with TAT and learning a new application.

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Dr. Neill Neill

Here I sit in the Vancouver International Airport terminal preparing a post while I wait for my flight to Chantilly, Virginia via Washington, DC. I am on my way to the ninth annual conference of the Association for Comprehensive Energy Psychology (ACEP).

I’ve been deeply involved in the energy psychology movement and ACEP for seven years now, and I always come away from the annual conference recharged with innovations, insights and joyful reconnections with old friends. Energy psychology is the cutting edge of modern practical psychology. As I have said before, I believe it will drag mainstream psychology kicking and screaming into the 21^st century.

This year the plenary speakers are Dr. Rupert Sheldrake (The sense of Being Stared At), Dr. Christine Page (Spiritual Alchemy) and Her Holiness Sai Maa Lakshmi Devi who will speak on "The Art of Forgiveness." (Several of the experts featured in the movie, The Secret, have been past speakers at the ACEP conference.

The rest of the conference will be a smorgasbord of expertise and experience, the very latest stuff. The hardest part will be choosing among lots of excellent options.

I hope I’ll have time during the conference to report back to you on some of what’s happening. Stay tuned.

Psychologist Dr. Neill Neill maintains an active practice on Vancouver Island, BC, Canada. He focuses on healthy relationships and life after addictions. He is the author of Living with a Functioning Alcoholic - A Woman’s Survival Guide.
www.neillneill.com
www.ConquerAlcoholism.com

I want to thank www.More4kids.info for the insightful article, Does your Child Have an Imaginary Friend?  Both the article and a movie (below) could be really helpful to parents who are wondering about whether or not they should push reality or participate with their child in interacting with their imaginary friend. Dealing with your child’s imaginary friends is an interesting part of parenting.

We just watched the excellent movie entitled, Opal Dreams, in which a child with two imaginary friends, Pobby and Dingan, interacts with her parents and community. Opal Dreams is available on DVD and is set in Lightning Ridge, the opal capital of Australia. It’s a family film worth watching. Enjoy.

Dr. Neill Neill

Teens indulge in more high-risk behavior in general than adults do. Understanding why teens take big risks is a key to good parenting. Your job as a parent isn’t over when they are seventeen, no matter how much they protest they are adults. Good parenting sometimes is a matter of life or death with adolescents.

Every day we hear of middle-of-the-night automobile accidents due to speed alcohol and fatigue with young drivers. Sixteen- and seventeen-year-olds account for disproportionately more fatal automobile accidents than do adults. Almost by definition young drivers have less experience driving than older drivers, but that does not make them bad drivers.

On the contrary, many of our young drivers are very competent. They have gone through recent driver education. They have deliberately practiced and honed their driving skills. They stop at stop signs. They show courtesy to other drivers. They signal to turn or change lanes. They have not yet slipped into the sloppy driving habits of many of their elders.

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Dr. Pati Beaudoin wrote an excellent article about the movie and book, The Secret, and has given permission to post it here. If you haven’t seen The Secret, do see it or read the book. (There are links at the bottom of this page to buy either from Amazon.com.)

It is turning out to be, not only an exercise in positive psychology for some, but an important contribution to their psycho-spiritual growth. I have personally met some of the experts featured in the movie.

Pati’s analysis of The Secret makes the principles more understandable and therefore more practical. I have posted her article in two parts.

Dr. Beaudoin was a student of mine in the seventies before she became a psychologist and launched her successful career.

Watch for Dr. Beaudoin’s forthcoming book, 
Letter to Husbands From a Wife.

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As I explained in Part One, Dr. Pati Beaudoin wrote an excellent article about the movie and book, The Secret, and has given permission to post it here. If you haven’t seen The Secret, do see it or read the book. (There are links at the bottom of this page to buy either from Amazon.com.)

It is turning out to be, not only an exercise in positive psychology for some, but an important contribution to their psycho-spiritual growth.

Pati’s analysis of The Secret makes the principles more understandable and therefore more practical for self help. I have posted her article in two parts and this is the second part.

Watch for Dr. Beaudoin’s forthcoming book, 
Letter to Husbands From a Wife.

The next important level of truth is the beginning of the solution. It is what your conscious mind can do about the problem of relative power described above. When you focus on a positive that you want to attract into your life – maybe a loving relationship – the next step is, as The Secret teaches, to focus on that as much as possible, and to include the positive emotion. But there’s another step. As those positive thoughts gain a little size and power, they bump into their mismatches in your unconscious blueprint. To continue the example above, “Thank you for my husband who treats me with loving respect” bumps into the more powerful “all the ways people abuse me.” What the conscious positive does is highlight the unconscious negative, making it conscious.

This is very good news. You may not think so, because you may have been trained to think you should never notice a negative. But one of the secrets behind The Secret is that you must find the hidden negatives in order to transform them into positives. Those unconscious negatives not only have the power of repetition over time, they have the power of locked-in emotion. All the hurt and pain, fear and anger we have stored away with “all the ways people abuse me” keeps it locked firmly in place, sending out its attracting rays even when we don’t mean it to do so.

You can focus only on the positive if you choose – and it will be like a pea nudging the earth out of its orbit. Or you can cleanse the wound of the negative, moving into the center of the pain and transforming negative to positive. Then you are using the power you have in your unconscious mind to move in the same positive direction your conscious mind has chosen. This is more like the earth learning a newer, better orbit from the pea.

Those who say this sort of transformation is easier to describe than to experience are a little bit correct. It’s uncomfortable to move into the center of the pain, and I recommend you hire a good counselor or psychotherapist who is not afraid of intense emotion.

Once you have begun to transform the negative into positive, attracting positive into your life becomes much easier – but watch out! There’s another secret behind The Secret at this level. Your little conscious mind may think it knows what is best, and may wish for abundance – but the abundance you will attract is determined by a much wiser level of consciousness – your soul. You may send out attractants for abundance, thinking you need more money in your life, but if your soul knows you are ready for another type of abundance, it will come. Maybe your soul knew that you were about to get sick, and so it will attract abundant good health.

And that is the next level of depth in the secrets behind The Secret: The attracting should be aimed from the soul rather than the small conscious mind. I call it “small” because it’s quite short-sighted, having the limited view of a single lifetime and very little idea of its part in the greater scheme of things. It has a worm’s eye-view of what is important, and tends to be materialistic and – let’s face it – selfish. Your greater self – your Self or your soul – knows better. The bad news is that if you do all this transformational work to make your conscious mind send out more positive thoughts and then focus only on material gain, it may well work. This can lead to a kind of self-seduction, as in “Oh, look at how good I am! I am able to attract all this material wealth into my life, so I must be a good person, all positive.” The seduction in this lies in the material reinforcement of pseudo-spirituality. Having gone part-way in transforming the unconscious thoughts, the self-seducer traps herself in spiritual materialism, using material attraction as proof of spiritual transformation and creating an ego trip out of that alleged spiritual transformation.

The good news is that if you do the transformational work in the unconscious and send out thoughts of positivity and abundance for the soul, you will automatically attract into your life whatever your soul knows is best for you. At times that will be what your little consciousness might wish for – joyful relationships, good health and money. Other times it will be things you didn’t know you needed – a traffic jam, maybe, that prevents you being further up ahead where there’s a collision. And at other times – and really, all the time – it will be attracting the best experiences for your soul’s journey through our earthly classroom.

And the final and deepest level of the secrets behind The Secret – the best way to send out those positive thoughts is during meditation. One of the effects of meditation is to bring together all the parts of the mind to focus together. How much more powerful could you get?

So you see, The Secret isn’t wrong – it’s just the tip of a much more multi-leveled, complex secret… that will never be a secret again… and that is the best news of all.

Dr. Pati Beaudoin is a Licensed Psychologist who practices in Roswell, GA.   She has taught internationally on such varied topics as hypnosis, family violence, and energy psychology.  She is the author of Letter to Husbands From a Wife, which is due to be published in summer of 2007.

The Book        The DVD

Neill Neill, Ph.D.

The first three stress management tips involved in breathing to let go of tension, keeping your body hydrated to avoid the brain fog and going on a presence walk to get yourself functioning in present time.

Today’s tip, Take an Appreciation Break, is again very simple and easy to follow. But its effects can be profound, because they take place at the physical and spiritual levels, as well as the emotional level.

The Appreciation Break

Look at something, think about something or remember something that you really appreciate or are grateful for. Let yourself feel how much you appreciate it. Feel it at the heart level if you can. Stay with it for 15 or 20 seconds. Do it any time and often, but especially when you are experiencing stress.

When I discovered the appreciation break a few years ago, a beautiful public flower bed near our home was in full bloom. Any time I was stressed or felt under pressure, I would just let my mind go to that flower bed. Within seconds my body would relax and a smile would return to my face. It was during a rough time so I did it multiple times a day.

The thought or memory could also be of a person, a pet, a song or a saint. The content doesn’t matter, just as long as it’s something you really appreciate. (I have been appreciating the sun last few days because we are just emerging from months of cloud and rain.)

As you practice this little exercise over time, it takes less and less time to slip into a state of appreciation, so that eventually you can get there almost instantly.

On the physical level the appreciation break is one of the most effective ways of bringing your heart rhythm into coherence. Simply stated, it helps your heart to work more in congruence with the rest of the body. It’s good for you heart and as a consequence it is good for all your body’s systems.

On the spiritual level the exercise shares a great deal with giving a prayer of thanks. Both are from the heart. Both connect you with something outside of yourself, and as such, act as an acknowledgment of your connection to the universe.

Perhaps the appreciation break and the prayer of thanks are the same thing, except that the appreciation break has no explicit religious connotation. Clearly, either is an expression of human spirituality, whether you are conscious of it or not.

The appreciation break is another key to good stress management, this one grounded in positive psychology. It is a basic mental health tool. Getting in the habit of taking frequent appreciation breaks could change your life.