If you want to be at the top of your game, you must close cycles. The principles apply to your career, your marriage and your life. Overwhelm is a consequence of having too many open cycles.
A cycle begins with an intention, is followed by action and is closed by the fulfillment of that intention. I intend to eat broccoli with dinner, for example, so I wash some broccoli, cook it, serve it and, finally, close the cycle by fulfilling my intention to eat broccoli.
The example, of course is cycle within a larger cycle of eating a meal, and that is within a yet larger cycle of maintaining health. We call a cycle “open” the moment the intention exists. It stays open until the intention is fulfilled. Obviously, each of us has many cycles open at any moment in time.
Every part of our lives is comprised of cycles that stay open from seconds to a lifetime. And every open cycle takes energy, because we are hard-wired to need to fulfill our intentions.
A person who is feeling overwhelmed has too many open cycles sapping his or her energy. In contrast, those at the top of their game feel energized and excited about life, because they have far fewer open cycles.
To avoid overwhelm, or overcome it if you are already feeling overwhelmed, you can take a few simple steps.
First, make a list of all the open cycles you can think of. Include little cycles as well as big ones. The first time I did this, I was amazed at how long the list was; no wonder I was overwhelmed! Trying to keep a mental list is another huge energy-sucking open cycle, so construct your list on paper or computer.
Look over your list, pick an item, do it, and check it off. Then do another one. You’ll be surprised at how many things you complete in a day, that is, how many cycles you closed. Without your list, you might have ended your day with, “Another wasted day!” You need the checklist!
Another way to close a cycle is to cancel the intention. You may find intentions you set years ago that you have neither fulfilled nor cancelled. Cancelling can release a lot of energy.
Postpone what can’t be handled soon. Postdate your intention to paint the house until September next year. Dating it closes the cycle for nearly a year, releasing more energy.
Delegate it. You do not have to do everything yourself.
People at the top of their game have become masters at delegating, postdating, cancelling and simply getting it done.
Are you at the top of your game, or is it on top of you?
Psychologist Dr. Neill Neill maintains an active practice on Vancouver Island, BC, Canada. He focuses on healthy relationships and life after addictions. He is the author of Living with a Functioning Alcoholic - A Woman's Survival Guide. http://drneillneill.com
http://neillneill.com
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My husband has stopped all drinking and pot smoking for one week, he has smoked and drank daily for 35 years. He is trying to show me and himself that he is in complete control after an argument we had about his drinking…..I know my codependent dance……anyways i am terrified of having to put up with a grouchy unknown personality now, things are just getting worse even though he says he is not going to drink or smoke again. Is it that easy? I don’t feel relieved, i feel even angrier because now he thinks there is no problem. Help!
Dear Lucinda,
I’m not surprised you don’t feel relieved. His stopping drinking is only the first and easiest step in his recovery. Now, if he is ever to consider himself “recovered,” he will have to get to work at recreating his life.
Otherwise, most of the bad behaviors that accompanied the drinking will continue or even get worse. That’s where the expression “dry drunk” comes from.
Hi Lucinda,
I totally understand your anger. All I could feel when my husband used to actively drink was overwhelming anger, I was even angry when he stopped drinking. Now I am angry that with my own will I have stayed with him for so many years.
My still husband has quit drinking 15 years ago after 20 years of alcohol addiction. He was a functional alcoholic.
He went to few AA meetings working on first and last step of AA program.
I have left him few times. Each time I went back to him.
I have concentrated on his past drinking and wanting him to continue steps 2-11 of AA program that I have totally forgotten about me. I have lost my identity as a result of being obsessed with him.
Alcohol is a disease and is qualified as psychiatric type by the North America Medical Journal.
There is plenty of information about AA and alcohol addiction, however not enough about co-dependency.
My still husband knows it all and there is nothing you can say to convince him that he needs to continue AA. He is cured –according to him. On the other hand I feel that I lost my identity being so obsessed with him, his effects on my family, my sons, including myself.
I am starting a therapy to find who I am to reclaim my life back with him in the future or without him.
Pls do not waste your life anymore. Start thinking of yourself. Start living for you.
Alcoholism is a very scary disease affecting all people involved with the drunk.
It is not curable. Alcoholism is a constant process of healing until the end of the alcoholic’s life.
You need to think about yourself. No one will if you will not.
Leave him alone. Look for help starting Alanon , go for the therapy.
I wish you all the best.
Ela