What is the purpose of relationships?

Romantic couple drinking a toast to their many years together
Romantic couple drinking a toast to their many years together

Relationships are about learning, growth and connection, beginning with our first relationships with our parents. We did huge amounts of learning during those growing up years. Besides the physical stuff we learned language so we could communicate our needs and then begin to understand the needs of others. We learned the rudiments of love and connection.All of this was essential to our being able to connect successfully with others as adults. We are hardwired to seek connection with others and hardwired to seek intimacy…

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Self-Betrayal is the Ultimate Betrayal

Self-betrayalPolonius’s counseled his son in Shakespeare’s Hamlet:

This above all: to thine own self be true.

After my first wife and I separated, I dated and fell in love with a woman who lived some distance away. I was enamored with this person who seemed to be able to accept me as I was. Then one day she commented that I was living in my head…

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Surviving and Thriving After the Loss of a Spouse

Grieving WomanA reader wrote to me with the following:

“I would like to see an article for women who have lost an alcoholic husband, which was caused by excessive drinking over many years. I am struggling with guilt and “what ifs”. My husband died… and I am so saddened, even though there were times I wished him dead.”

This article is for all women who have lost, or anticipate losing, a husband…

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Change Your Mind and Change Your Reality

A number of years ago I was driving through rush-hour Toronto traffic — eight lanes in each direction. The traffic was heavy and fast. I was making good time until I got blocked behind a car moving slower than the traffic. The word “idiot” reverberated through my head and my muscles tensed.

Just then another thought smacked my consciousness: “That driver could be my brother.” As I mulled over that uninvited thought, I realized that I didn’t know anything about that driver or his car…

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Bullying: Where does it Begin?

The BullyRecent suicides by adolescents and children in the wake of ongoing bullying have got us all thinking about bullying. It’s an uncomfortable topic, because so many of us at one time or other have been a victim, a bully or a silent witness (another kind of victim). It’s a broad societal problem.

Challenging a bully involves risk. I once had a manager who ordered a colleague to do something unethical. When she challenged him, he discredited her with lies. When I tried to intervene, I became his target and we both were fired. He then turned on a senior professional who had supported me during the ordeal. That professional, having seen what just happened to me, simply resigned.

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