The Natural Flow of Life… and Death

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We grow up with the conventional thinking that we will become adults and our parents will grow old and die before we do. Furthermore, our children will grow up to be adults and we will predecease them in old age.

Fortunately for most, the flow of life and death follows that pattern. But for some, the sequence and timing get messed up and it takes an emotional and behavioral toll. Sometimes our parents die prematurely. Sometimes our kids don’t make it to adulthood, or they reach adulthood, but die while we are still in midlife…

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Happiness and Accepting the Flow of Life

By Neill Neill, Ph.D.

The ability to accept the flow of life without judgment is one of the secret ingredients to [tag-cat]happiness[/tag-cat]. Acceptance does not mean that you have to like what you see, but denying reality never brings happiness to you or your community.

One of the realities we all need to practice accepting is that each generation is a little different from the generations that preceded it. The process is the same in every culture, no matter how much those in charge would like it to be otherwise. My stories below are from my own culture; make up your own if you are from a different culture

I am disappointed when I see or hear of someone being unable to accept the normal behaviour of a generation behind them. Then I get really irked when an establishment or service provider or government official goes along with the intolerance.

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Marriage: Seven Questions to Consider in Choosing your Ideal Marriage Partner

Choosing well is the foundation for a goodmarriage. Yet choosing is one of the most neglected pieces of the process of meeting, bonding, marrying, living life together and possibly having children. Choose well: the good and bad outcomes of your choice will shape your life, whether a first or [tag-tec]second marriage, a Christian marriage, a common-law marriage, a mixed-race marriage or a same-sex marriage.

1.           Can you accept each other as you are, warts and all? You can’t change another person and you have absolutely no right to try to change your spouse. At the same time don’t promise to change if your potential partner can’t accept you as you are.  

This in no way means that you have to be the same.  Acceptance of yourself and each other can accommodate wide differences between you.

Acceptance is the most basic issue. If you can’t accept the reality of each other, walk.

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Parenting and Grieving

 Dr. Neill Neill

On October 23 I posted A Hard Personal Lesson in Acceptance , in which I explained that my son Richard is dying and I’m getting a difficult lesson.

Two weeks have passed and I have spent the last two days with Richard. He requires a lot more pain medication now. He has deteriorated considerably in the past month. He was frail but mentally sharp a month ago. Yesterday he was fragile, but mentally absent  much of the time. Fortunately, the absences were punctuated by periods of lucidity.

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A Hard Personal Lesson in Acceptance

By Dr. Neill Neill, Registered Psychologist

There have been some deeply personal things going on in my life that during the past few weeks have made me feel at times like my life is on hold.

My son is gravely ill.

My firstborn son, Richard, is gravely ill at age 41. He’s in the capable loving care of his wife, Tracey. He is receiving excellent daily palliative care from an outside support team. But he lives 3000 miles from where I live.

My wife Eileen and I visited him in early October when it appeared he had only days to live. He has rallied somewhat, and I’m planning another trip within the next two weeks. At this point he thinks he will make it until my next visit.

And that is why I have this feeling of being on hold.

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