In Love Again?

In Love AgainWhen Is the Right Time to Enter a New Relationship?

As human beings we are social creatures and seem to be hardwired to be in relationships. Previous to about a century ago marriages lasted on average less than nine years, ending with the death of one. The survivor would remarry and stay married until one of them died. Serial monogamy is alive and well today, the only difference being that divorce replaces death in the transition to a new relationship.

Today the typical transition from one marriage to the next follows one of the following sequences…

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Five Silly Ideas That Can Hurt Your Marriage Relationship

Marriage Ceremony

Some of the old notions about marriage relationships, often stated as wise truths by our grandmothers, are still floating around and are still doing damage. One of my grandmother’s favorites was “Never let the sun set on an argument.”

Silly idea number one: never go to bed angry.

I swallowed that one at about aged five. Then in my 20s my wife and I would argue half the night rather than go to sleep without settling the issue.

The problem was that nothing was ever resolved. The argument was “settled” with one of us giving in and the other having his or her way. To make matters worse, our anger was seldom about what we thought it was about. If we had just let the issues sit overnight, we might have realized what the anger was about and avoided an evening of pain and further alienation.

Silly idea number two: “You should know what I need without my telling you.”

Duh! I have written before about how expecting your partner to be a mind reader can lead to a mountain of disappointment.

Silly idea number three: “If you love me, you would…”

In the news last week a woman was granted a new trial regarding her involvement in her boyfriend’s killing a teenaged boy. She is reported to have said to her boyfriend as he beat the boy, “If you love me, you’ll kill him.”

Love is love. Never assume a specific action should automatically follow love.

Silly idea number four: once you’re married, the man should not look at other women and the woman should not look at other men.

We are social beings who live in families, towns and cities. We’re surrounded by people of both sexes, who are programmed to look good in public. And if that is not enough, there’s always someone out there who is better looking and younger than our spouse.

The insanity of expecting oneself not to look at what is good to look at leads to secrecy and insane jealousy, both of which can destroy a marriage relationship. Looking does not mean leering, touching or having a romantic interest. Looking is just part of being alive.

Silly idea number five: You should never vacation alone.

Vacations are good, and they can be very good if taken together. However, for some working couples especially, vacations would be few and far between if they had to take all of them together. So they take individual vacations when they can. Their solo vacations are okay as long as no one feels guilty about it, because guilt wrecks havoc on marriage relationships.

There are other such sillies out there, like “verbal abuse isn’t dangerous,” and “what happens at home, stays at home.” Can you think of a few more?

How I Fell in Love

Dr Neill Neill

Just before Valentine’s Day in 2009, a magazine ad for a story-writing Contest caught my eye. It was to be a 300-word story about “How did you fall in love.” I wrote our personal story, asked my editor (my wife) to check it over, and then sent it in. I entitled it “The Supper.”

To our surprise and delight, the story won the prize for the “most serendipitous love story” and was published in the March/April 2009 issue of Synergy. We celebrated our 30th wedding anniversary in 2010.

Please have a chuckle with me..

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How to Get the Most from your Health Professional

Doctor

Why do you go see a medical doctor, psychologist, chiropractor or other health professional? Most people would answer that they seek help because they have a problem that needs fixing.  What is the true problem that needs fixing?

You might go to your chiropractor because your back is hurting after lifting something heavy. You see your doctor because you can’t breathe, because you have chest pains, or because you have a fever. You might seek a psychologist’s help because you are having anxiety attacks, you are fighting with your marriage partner, or you want to get over your alcohol addiction.

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Healthy Marriage: Four More Things You Can Do To Renew and Maintain a Healthy Marriage

Loving Marriage.jpgDr. Neill Neill

You are invited to take some time to reflect further on love and [tag-cat]marriage[/tag-cat], particularly on keeping, restoring and renewing love… Recall that my last article was "Healthy Marriage: Some Advice about the Five Conditions of a Lasting Healthy Marriage."

 

The five conditions were

Look after yourself first…do not merge your identities…enjoy the show…never stop doing things together for fun and laughter…if you want more excitement, take up skiing…

Can you think of four more renewal factors for a strong [tag-ice]marriage[/tag-ice]?

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