Can a Lasting Marriage Begin with Online Dating? Try Local First.

What has changed so dramatically in the last few years is the number of men and women who enter committed relationships after meeting their partner online.

Statistics:  The latest figures are that 20 million people per month are engaging in online dating. About 70% of people surveyed said they would use an online dating service to find their partner if they were looking for a relationship. And in a large-scale survey 17% of couples married from 2007 to early 2010 said they had met online…

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Are you in a relationship yet feeling lonely?

Most of us have found ourselves at some point in life flying solo. The first time is usually after you have left your family of origin and are out in the world working or studying. You have your coworkers and friends around you and you are busy creating a life for yourself in society. You are alone, but not particularly lonely.

Then you meet someone…

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Marriage Advice: Maintaining Peace in your Marriage

Hopeful Couple

When you bond with and commit to a long-term marriage relationship with another human being, you usually start from a place of peace. Both of you are accepted and loved and are interested in the interests, activities and passions of the other. There may be a lot going on, but your relationship is one of peace.

As the trials and tribulations of life intervene, there will be periodic conflict, at least if you are both alive. Conflicts can be dealt with however, and the hope is that any time there is a disagreement the two of you can resolve it and move on…

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Five Silly Ideas That Can Hurt Your Marriage Relationship

Some of the old notions about marriage relationships, often stated as wise truths by our grandmothers, are still floating around and are still doing damage. One of my grandmother’s favorites was “Never let the sun set on an argument.”

Silly idea number one: never go to bed angry.

I swallowed that one at about aged five. Then in my 20s my wife and I would argue half the night rather than go to sleep without settling the issue.

The problem was that nothing was ever resolved. The argument was “settled” with one of us giving in and the other having his or her way. To make matters worse, our anger was seldom about what we thought it was about. If we had just let the issues sit overnight, we might have realized what the anger was about and avoided an evening of pain and further alienation.

Silly idea number two: “You should know what I need without my telling you.”

Duh! I have written before about how expecting your partner to be a mind reader can lead to a mountain of disappointment.

Silly idea number three: “If you love me, you would…”

In the news last week a woman was granted a new trial regarding her involvement in her boyfriend’s killing a teenaged boy. She is reported to have said to her boyfriend as he beat the boy, “If you love me, you’ll kill him.”

Love is love. Never assume a specific action should automatically follow love.

Silly idea number four: once you’re married, the man should not look at other women and the woman should not look at other men.

We are social beings who live in families, towns and cities. We’re surrounded by people of both sexes, who are programmed to look good in public. And if that is not enough, there’s always someone out there who is better looking and younger than our spouse.

The insanity of expecting oneself not to look at what is good to look at leads to secrecy and insane jealousy, both of which can destroy a marriage relationship. Looking does not mean leering, touching or having a romantic interest. Looking is just part of being alive.

Silly idea number five: You should never vacation alone.

Vacations are good, and they can be very good if taken together. However, for some working couples especially, vacations would be few and far between if they had to take all of them together. So they take individual vacations when they can. Their solo vacations are okay as long as no one feels guilty about it, because guilt wrecks havoc on marriage relationships.

There are other such sillies out there, like “verbal abuse isn’t dangerous,” and “what happens at home, stays at home.” Can you think of a few more?