Self-Betrayal is the Ultimate Betrayal

Self-betrayalPolonius’s counseled his son in Shakespeare’s Hamlet:

This above all: to thine own self be true.

After my first wife and I separated, I dated and fell in love with a woman who lived some distance away. I was enamored with this person who seemed to be able to accept me as I was. Then one day she commented that I was living in my head…

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To Celebrate your Life is to Expand your Life

celebration

Why celebrate?

If you fulfill an intention, if you achieve something, and then you celebrate what you have accomplished, you are acknowledging to your center and to the universe what you have done. This tends to anchor it as real.

Too often, when we achieve something, we forget, or neglect out of false modesty to celebrate and anchor what we have done. Instead, with no change in pace, we just whimper, “Next!” We are left with the feeling we haven’t got anything done.

The second reason for celebrating life is to show gratitude, thankfulness and appreciation. There is a great deal of evidence gratitude is a very high-vibration emotion. It is good for mental heath. It is good for societal health. It is essential for spiritual health. This in essence makes celebration a prayer of thanks. More on this later.

The third reason for celebration is very close to the second. It makes you feel good. You feel happy. And your happiness level is the single best indicator of your vibrational level. It’s your feedback on how you are doing in life. Then in some kind of circular magic, feeling good itself becomes a reason to celebrate.

What happens when you don’t celebrate?

Those who don’t celebrate life tend to become victims of life. We have all seen examples. George earns a very high score on an examination, and then he dismisses it with “It was a fluke; I just got lucky.” Karen consistently does the work of three, but privately deflects credit with the thought, “They won’t give me credit when they find out how stupid I am.” George and Karen are victims of life, even when they accomplish something.

Victims tend to be unhappy, because life is something that happens to them, not something they continuously create. Being a victim is a recipe for addiction or mental illnesses such as anxiety and depression. It produces a low-vibration life. Being a victim could drive one to drink.

Celebration is the fertilizer for personal growth

When someone makes a breakthrough in my office, we celebrate with “Yes!” “Halleluiah!” or “Thank you God!” When they make any sort of progress, we celebrate. We are not asking for perfection; we ask for progress. As when a child takes her first step, we celebrate.

There are many steps to becoming a Reiki master. Do you think the Reiki master decided to wait until he was a master before he celebrated? Impossible! If he had started his training with that attitude, he would never have become a master. Likewise for the singer, the minister, the meditater, the guru…or you.

Celebration along the path of growth is an essential part of growth in any skill or wisdom. To celebrate the little movements and bits of life is truly to celebrate life. Celebrating the bits is the route to creating a bigger life, a more whole life, an expanded life, a fulfilling life.

Personal Change: Do You Welcome It or Resist It?

The wall

Are you stuck facing your wall?

Imagine a major barrier blocks you in your life. It interrupts your growth as a man or woman. Let’s call it a wall. You know you don’t want to be where you are, but you feel stuck. You have tried to break through, but the wall is still in front of you. Such a scene plays out many times in the normal flow of life.

Some examples are in order:

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Healthy Marriage: Some Advice about the Five Conditions of a Lasting Healthy Marriage

Healthy Marriage

Many marriages start off as good marriages, but over time turn stale or even hostile.  At any given time huge numbers of couples are searching for ways to get their once healthy marriages back on track. There are five necessary conditions or factors which together can help you maintain (or rebuild) a strong, healthy marriage.

If you were to delve, you would probably find that virtually every troubled couple has neglected one or more of these key conditions. Of course, there are other things that can mess up a marriage, but neglect the following at your peril.

Look after yourself first.

If you place your highest priority on your physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual self care, you won’t wake up one morning to realize you have been a household servant or a meal ticket for the past decade.

Encourage each other in self-care from the beginning and in times of greatest need you will be able to really count on each other. If you have neglected self care in your life, you or your partner may cut and run when the going gets tough.

Your highest priority has to be to take care of yourself at all levels. Do whatever you need to do. Self-care is the ultimate in unselfishness.

Do not merge your identities.

Always remember that each of you is a person in your own right. You have an identity.

Woman in many cultures are particularly vulnerable to the trap of merging their identities with their partner’s, but men fall into it too. We call it “codependency” when identities merge.

If you find yourself already slipping into merger, work on getting out of it. Always defend vigorously your partner’s right and your own right to be your own persons. Merged identities are incompatible with a healthy marriage.

Enjoy the show.

Pay attention to the changes in your partner as he or she evolves throughout life, and enjoy the show. There will often be spurts of personal growth and sometimes periods of stagnation, but the constant is change. That’s the flow of life.

It’s truly fun to watch our kids grow. Why should watching our partners grow be any different?

There is nothing to be afraid of. In an intimate relationship you have the privilege and opportunity to observe up close the twists and turns your partner will go through as he or she evolves.

Everyone changes; it’s just that the changes are more subtle in a 45 year old than in a 15 year old.

Support the growth even if you don’t understand it. Expect your partner to support you too as you evolve.

When I hear someone say, “He’s not the man (or woman) I married,” I know they are missing this crucial point. If they say, “I can’t change—that’s just the way I am,” they are missing the point at an even more fundamental level.

Never stop doing things together for fun and laughter.

No matter how difficult and serious life gets at times, never stop doing things together for fun—things that make you laugh.  Laughter is a requirement of any satisfying life. Laughter with a partner is part of the cement that can keep you together for a lifetime. Neglect it at your peril!

If you want more excitement, take up skiing…

Stay deserving of your partner’s trust by steadfast fidelity. No matter what, don’t have an affair. It offers a very temporary burst of excitement, but it is an assault few marriages can survive. (Many times an affair is staged simply to end a marriage.)

To rebuild trust and commitment after an affair you will probably need professional help, and even then there are no guarantees you will ever regain the level of trust you once had.

If you are an excitement junkie, find a more respectful way to get adventure.

What Did Your Last Vacation Do for Your Mental Health?

Dr. Neill Neill

Four Hotel FireIn the spring I said to my wife Eileen a number of times, "I need a break." Well, I got my break. I fell and broke a rib in May. The pain slowed me down a lot, but the pain is almost all gone now and I’ve got most of my energy back.

Vacations (I don’t ask for "breaks" anymore.) are important to mental health, and we self-employed types are especially bad at remembering to take them. Periodically I do manage to interrupt my busyness with a [tag-tec]vacation[/tag-tec].

I found myself in June to be in desperate need of such an interruption. I hadn’t taken so much as a full weekend off in months. I left my work behind and took off on a 5,400 km mental health motorcycle trip by myself. It would my first real trip on my new BMW R1200RT motorcycle from Island BMW.

On vacations, not only do I get to see and do things that aren’t part of my at-home experience, but also I usually learn something new about myself. This vacation would prove to be no exception.

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