Relationships are about learning, growth and connection, beginning with our first relationships with our parents. We did huge amounts of learning during those growing up years. Besides the physical stuff we learned language so we could communicate our needs and then begin to understand the needs of others. We learned the rudiments of love and connection.All of this was essential to our being able to connect successfully with others as adults. We are hardwired to seek connection with others and hardwired to seek intimacy…
I knew a young middle-aged man I’ll call George, who had a drinking and driving problem, like quite a few others I’ve met in my recovery mentoring work. George stayed way too late at the pub and had far too much to drink. However, the 3 km road home was straight and flat with no traffic at that time of night, so he decided to drive. There were no houses on that stretch and only one tree.
As he drove home he kept reminding himself that if he does go off the road, he must not run into that tree. You know the rest: he lost control and crashed into the only tree on his route. George wanted to get home safely but he had focused on what he didn’t want…and got it.
Most men in the 40 to 55 age range will experience a period of emotional difficulty at some point. A minority will reach that point before 40 or after 55.
They typically go through it privately, but if it becomes visible, it is sometimes called a mid-life crisis. They may feel unhappy or anxious, or feel stuck in an unsatisfying marriage. They may be troubled by physical problems such as, high blood pressure, heart problems or insomnia. They may be spending or drinking compulsively.
Regardless of the set of symptoms each presents, they are unanimous in their feeling that something is not quite right in their lives.
Dr. Neill Neill
You are invited to take some time to reflect further on love and [tag-cat]marriage[/tag-cat], particularly on keeping, restoring and renewing love… Recall that my last article was "Healthy Marriage: Some Advice about the Five Conditions of a Lasting Healthy Marriage."
The five conditions were
Look after yourself first…do not merge your identities…enjoy the show…never stop doing things together for fun and laughter…if you want more excitement, take up skiing…
Can you think of four more renewal factors for a strong [tag-ice]marriage[/tag-ice]?
I’m going to suggest one place guilt feelings come from and a simple way to reduce them.
When you were a child you were probably told a number of times that you should look both ways before you cross the street. Then when you mother would check up on you just before crossing a street, you would tell her with glee, “I should look both ways.”