Some people seem to succeed at whatever they put their minds to, almost as if they attract success. They are positive and happy; they seem just to play at what they do. At the other extreme, you find pessimistic and negative people. Life for negative people is a serious business, often filled with struggle and punctuated with failure.
Most of us live somewhere in between. You might look at a highly successful, happy person and think, “I’d be happy too if I were that successful.” Alternatively, you might picture a chronic failure you know, and think, “I’d be miserable too if I couldn’t succeed at anything.”
The word “success” evokes images of business or career; for example, the successful retailer, teacher, helicopter pilot, organic farmer or restauranteur…
Let’s extend the picture to success at being a marriage partner, a coach, a parent or a true friend. Just as with business and career, the full range of success and failure shows up in relationships. It is no accident that the successful business owner/operators are also usually good at customer and employee relations.
Think of the ladder of success as climbing from emotionally negative to emotionally positive. Negative people have a pessimistic outlook and perceive themselves as victims of the economy, poor genetics, a bad marriage, addiction or simply as a victim of life.
Positive people display an optimistic outlook and perceive themselves as in charge of their lives, whether in business or in relationships. They would never think of themselves as victims. If something goes wrong, they take action to correct a bump in their relationship or adjust to an economic recession. Positive thinking is a very powerful tool.
“Reality” has nothing to do with where you are on the ladder between a negative or positive attitude. The negative cynic justifies himself as “just being realistic.” The truly positive person urges us on with “The reality is we can change things.”
Circumstances have little to do with a positive or negative outlook, either. I have met optimistic single welfare moms who were truly successful in managing their lives and raising their children. I have also met men and women who regarded themselves as professional and personal failures, but who had money and achievements to their credit.
Unless you are a hermit, you are around others in work and life. When you are with others who are more positive than you are, you come away feeling uplifted and encouraged, sometimes inspired. When you are with a negative person for a time, you feel your energy draining away. Whom would you rather be around?
If your workplace is full of generally positive people, it is a great place to work. A positive work group can bring up the emotional tone of a few rather negative people. The negative ones who will not be helped usually leave for a less happy workplace. On the other hand, if there is any significant number of negative people in your work place, they can bring down the emotional tone of the whole establishment. You can’t get out of there fast enough. And nor can customers if they are exposed to it.
If you want emotional (and material) success, protect your well-being by surrounding yourself with positive people and positive thinking.
I invite you to reflect on where you are on the ladder of success in life.
Psychologist Dr. Neill Neill maintains an active practice on Vancouver Island, BC, Canada. He focuses on healthy relationships and life after addictions. He is the author of Living with a Functioning Alcoholic - A Woman's Survival Guide. http://drneillneill.com
http://neillneill.com
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