Kevin at More4kids posted an important piece about the fact that labeling children or calling them demeaning names can do long-term damage to them. He gives some good parenting advice on corrective action if you do slip up. If you have children or grandchildren, or plan to, do check out "Parenting and How Labeling Your Child Can Be Destructive" It’s basic [tag-ice]child psychology[/tag-ice].
However, do you know why the damage can be so fast and long-lasting?
It has to do with the way children learn. From about age three to age nine or ten, children’s brainwaves look like the brainwaves of an adult under hypnosis. When you say something to a child in that age range, it is taken in instantly and without question. The child has just accepted a "truth." These truths are called "introjects."
Parental pronouncements are swallowed whole and become part of the child’s view of the world. This childhood ability allows the child to learn huge quantities of information, attitudes and values without even thinking about it.
If you say "The car won’t start unless your seatbelt is fastened," that’s the truth, until he starts figuring things out around age ten. However, if you tell a child he’s stupid or he won’t amount to anything, that’s also the truth, but that truth could stay permanently lodged in his belief system.
So be very careful you don’t use labels which could sabotage your child for a lifetime.
Thank you, Kevin, for your timely [tag-cat]parenting[/tag-cat] article.
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I always cringe when I hear a parent tell a child that he or she is “Bad” … what a terrible label! I wish parents would understand the importance of distinguishing between the child – and the deed.
Great post again, Dr. Neill! Thank you.
Hello ,
i am a student of Scoial Work.
i want to do my research paper on CHILD LABELLING.
So please can you help me to get information, online materials , or prefer research topic related to child labeling.
it would be so king of you.
thank you
Lostay119@gmail.com
Dear Sangeet,
I would suggest you contact Kevin Heath at http://www.more4kids.info, the author of the above article. I work mostly with adults and see the effects of early labeling. Kevin is more oriented to the child rearing.
I can identify completely with this. My older brother and my dad ‘joked’ constantly throughout my childhood and adolescent years about how stupid I was, mostly because I struggled with maths and had no interest in, or talent for such things as cooking, sewing, knitting and crocheting (I preferred to be out on my bike or up a tree, which was considered ‘not ladylike’ as well as stupid). They taunted me about my failings and never praised me for anything I was good at (I’m sure there must have been something!). They hug me now when they see me, but I don’t remember the word ‘love’ ever being mentioned between us. I’m now 50 and have recently started a course of counselling to help me address the fact that, even now, I basically believe myself to be stupid, insignificant and worthless; reason tells me I’m not, but my heart is still convinced that I am because that’s the ‘truth’ my family fed me.
The effect on my life and career opportunities has been catastrophic, but my own children are successful and full of confidence because I’ve always told them how great they are and how loved they are, and I’ve never allowed them to call each other stupid!
Good for you, Jackie, in breaking the cycle with your own children. Many intelligent people, including myself, have reached adulthood with a belief that they were stupid. Even when I became a university teacher, I was convince I wasn’t as smart as my colleagues and afraid someone was going to find out. Then in my thirties with a lot of personal work I began to realize I was actually a lot smarter than some of them. I was certainly better at making decisions. I’ve never looked back. I’m glad you’re getting some counselling.